A Merry Christmas Wish to Our Friends and Family and a Recap of 2011~

This season, I sit in the soft light of our Christmas tree, in the warmth of the fireplace, Maddy on my toes, Jake by my side, my little Lily sound asleep in her bed and soft kicks to my belly. I feel overwhelming grateful. I'm grateful to the One who has blessed our lives and I'm grateful to each one of you who have truly touched my life this year. Whether it was a playdate, lunch outing, long distance phone call, skype chat, written exchange, or even a tender childhood memory, my life and all this year's experiences have been enriched because of you. Thank you.

I'm realizing the first couple years of life are so precious for many reasons, one of which, it's the moment in life for 'first times' everything. It's too bad we don't experience those moments as adults because this year when I saw Lily's eyes light up at the sight of airplanes at the airport, waves on the ocean, the way she began to recognize people, how she looks at me when I get her from her nap and how she beams at her daddy when he comes home from work, I thought to myself 'wow, I wish she could feel that amount of excitement and happiness always" at the sight of these things. Maybe she will. It was a year of firsts for me too. Being a new mom has changed everything; my daily doings, my outlook on so many things, most of me. Things I never thought I could give up but have found myself leaping at the opportunity to do so if it means I'd get one more smile, one more giggle, one more minute with Lily, one more memory as a family. Silly things also- I don't think I've ever said the words "table scape" before in my life until this year. But this year I started planning our Thanksgiving table scape in August. What was this sudden obsession with holiday decor and scents and foods? I found myself wanting to make every holiday as special and memorable as possible. I love holidays. I love that Halloween of all holidays brings you together more so with your community than any other day of the year. People you never met, people you rarely see, walking up to your home as a family, exchanging small but genuine conversation. It's the one holiday that gets us out of our homes and makes us talk to our neighbors (which in the PNW can be especially challenging considering the rainy weather). I love the traditional cheesy round robin at the Thanksgiving dinner table, everyone mentioning something they are thankful for. I put real thought into it this year and was taken back when I found that there was just so much to list. And now, as Christmas is upon us, the faces of people we love so dearly adorn our mantel. Tiny faces that were just born this year or the few previous years are just as beautiful as are their proud parents' faces beaming next to them. I may just leave these Christmas cards up year round.

It's been a busy year. Jake will give me a talking to for this mini excerpt but as his biggest enthusiast, I feel compelled. He's worked so diligently this year and I'm proud of him. Microsoft awarded him several trips, one of which landed us in Maui and ironically back at the very same beach and hotel we spent our honeymoon at 2 years prior. Of course being there now with a toddler and me having been 2 months into the throws of morning (rather all day) sickness made the trip a wee bit different than the experience we had previously but it was Maui and we were together and it was a wonderful first family vacation. Lily and Jake spent hours in the kiddie pool as I sat at the edge of my seat trying to keep my mouth shut but eyes open as she was tossed into the air and dunked in the water. Those two have reached new highs of being great together and it was a wonderful experience to sit in the background and watch. So Jake has been a stellar Microsoft employee this year but I know his favorite job is just being 'Daa'. What a cool thing to watch Jake's and Lily's relationship fully explode this year.

Microsoft also invited us out to Denver for an award for Jake and we were able to meet one of my oldest dearest friends' newborn. Between the Denver trip and a Florida trip, we were finally able to introduce Lily to my oldest and dearest friends. On the rare occasions I see these friends' faces, I see myself as a child. I see us as young kids so far from being grown up. So to be able to introduce them to Lily, it was really awesome... somehow making my 'new' life that much more 'real' if that makes any sense. To be able to prop up Lily and one of my oldest dearest friend's baby girl next to each other to snap a photo... it brought tears to my eyes. My best friend and I cried when she finally got to meet Lily while other good friends teased (and rightly so) they didn't think it was possible for me to be any more sentimental but motherhood has made all this sap possible.

While in Florida, we visited Jake's family and some sunshine which was lovely. Lily was overjoyed by ceiling fans, ocean waves, Katy (and herbed) and of course her grandparents who loved on her every moment they had. We made a trip to Tennessee a few months ago for Luke & Christina's wedding (Jake's brother and lovely sister in-law) It was really nice to be able to introduce Lily to more welcoming family and witness a new marriage.


Lily has been busy all on her own this year too. Anyone who is a parent understands the explosion of growth that happens in the first year of life. Some highlights -her first food was kiwi fruit, her first word (besides mom and dad) was tickle. She stood on her own for the first time at her 1st birthday party (a business card clinched between her teeth) and when she began walking soon after, she had to be holding something (preferably a leaf) in her hands or in her mouth. Now she is trying to say a lot more, she'll attempt to say the first syllable of almost anything you ask her to. You can get her to do just about anything as long as the request follows the words and tune of the song, "If you're happy and you know it"... give mom a kiss, spin in circles, laugh out loud. She loves her extended family very much. She gets to see her cousins every weekend, "Ooohhhh" and "Ellllllll" and her "Basch" (Bachan) and "Eeemy" (Emily) every week for lunch. We get to skype with Jake's parents and Katy often as well and she gets to sing songs with them. She has a special bond with "Kake" (Katy) and carries her photo with her throughout the day. Her favorite song is Old MacDonald. She does the "ee i ee i oh" and animal sounds parts. Her first sentence has been "I want that", we are working very hard to sneak in a 'please', but so far, have been unsuccessful.

I had a surprise visitor for my 30th birthday. I was told to pick up a mystery guest from the airport on x date at x time. I couldn't believe my eyes when I saw her, what a memory, flying all the way from New Zealand to celebrate another year of friendship together and meet my Lily. Growing up is so interesting, I guess I am just realizing now that it never stops. When I was a kid, I remember thinking I had to do so much growing up to finally turn 10, to finally start high school, to finally turn into an adult. I guess I always thought it just stopped there, maybe once I hit my mid 20's or something. Nope, I feel in some ways I've done the most growing up in this past year.

Being Lily's mom, being Jake's wife of two years now, expecting our second daughter and Lily's sister, I am so thankful to be 'here' tonight. So as you all celebrate your Christmas, in the light of your tree, in the warmth of your family and friends, we bid you a very Merry Christmas and a wonderful New Year ahead!

My busy bee

It's been three months since my last entry and a ton has happened since then. Looking back on the first few weeks of her tiny life, Lily has grown in more ways than I ever imagined at 16 months old. (not claiming she's a prodigy child, just admitting to my continued amazement of life). All the learning and playing and growing that's occurred is almost mind boggling and very very dear to my heart. In addition to Lily's busy days, we learned she will also be mastering the art and hopefully relishing the gift of being big sister. I'm 17 weeks pregnant and while the news was a bit surprising to us, we are now beyond excited and life is feeling pretty close to perfect.

Lily has become quite the traveler in the company of mom dad and Blue. We took her to Maui with us last month and I was astonished at how well the flights went considering I was vomiting from morning sickness at every opportunity I had and Lily usually cannot sit still for more than a millisecond. But we took some advice from sister Joy and brought a DVD player with us along with Blue's Clues, Baby Einsteins and Toy Story 3. Unfortunately or fortunately rather, Lily has learned to somewhat embrace a good hour long of 'shows'/day. (somehow calling it 'her shows' is easier to say than TV). My rules on the TV quickly went out the window when 24/7 nausea set in three months back. Turns out, this worked in our favor during the flight and Lily happily watched her friend Blue, and Safari Animals from Baby Einsteins all the way to Maui. My rules on chocolate chip cookies also went directly out the window when we were offered one on the airplane and Lily asked for it. I learned after my "trying to take her yogurt snacks away because she had too many" experience, that giving her whatever she desired was the right way to go on the airplane. She took her first bite of chocolate chip cookie 30,000 feet from ground and I'll never forget the look she so seriously gave the flight attendant after she took that first bite. She looked at him as though she wanted to burn his face into her memory, to never ever forget the face of the man who gave her this decadent treat. And then it was back to Blues Clues. Several months back she began to embrace sign language and Blue's Clues is definitely in her 'vocabulary.'

In addition, she has signs for sleepy, food, thank you, please, bird, airplane, milk, potty and water. She's also invented some of her own signs. Every day we go through her body parts, "Lily, where's your head, your eyes, toes, ears, cheeks, knees," etc. (we've recently added 'bottom' to the routine and it is hilarious to watch her reach around her backside to pat her bum) Jake likes to ask her about the less commonly 'taught to a toddler' body parts such as the 'shin' and 'thigh'.. it's hilarious that she's learnred those. The other day I asked her where Mommy's hug was (and this is her cutest thing to date), instead of reaching her arms out to offer a hug, she instead showed me what happens to her body when Mommy hugs her (or what appears to squish her). Her face wrinkled up and her head jammed itself to one side. She tightly tucked her elbows into her sides but lifted up her hands if trying to set them free. And then she just looked at me. Next time I hugged her, I noticed that in fact, this does happen to her little body. But she still lets me do it and it's still one of my favorite things to do in the world, so it shall go on.

She's started to attempt to say a few words as well. "Fsh" for fish, "Appa" for Apple, "Boops" for poop, "Psh" for push, "Buuu" for ball, "Baush" for Bachan and "BaBa" for Butterfly. She actually gets quite serious about butterflies. It's all fun, games and laughter during story time until she sees a butterfly and then she becomes so serious and looks at me and adamantly points, "baba, baba, BABA!" until I say, 'yes, you see a butterfly." Instead of saying words for animals she sees, she just gives the animal sound when she sees a cow, monkey, dog, cat or bumble bee. And darn it, like most things she does, it's super cute but I know eventually, that will change and she'll learn to talk like the rest of us big heads. I've said it before but I just love this Lily and I'll miss her.

One of the more touching things she started to do was become fascinated with my playing her songs on the guitar. I've done this since she was the tiniest and just now she has started to become interested. In fact it's a little challenging sometimes because there have been definite days where she will not let me get off the guitar. We sit on the floor together, her nose pressed against my 'space' and watches intently. Of course never have I had such a captivated audience so it was pretty cool the first few times she did it. Sometimes she'll get up and walk around the room, picking things up, putting them in different places, patting her belly and humming the whole time to the music. And then sometimes, she'll stop. She'll become incredibly entrenched with the curtain for example, studying the weave, holding it up to the light, making sure it smells just like it did yesterday and so I'll think I can put down the guitar and stretch my legs but as soon as I stop, "Eeehr!", she points at the guitar, demanding I pick it up.

Yep, so I'm also at that point where I'm trying to determine when to say no, when to give her what she wants, when it's okay to say no and be firm... She's so stinking lucky and of course I won't tell her this, but my whole day evolves around her. I absolutely adore my days and to be honest would be happy to give her whatever she wants, play 'til my fingers bleed but I know part of parenting is also setting limits, boundaries, rules. (for my sake and hers) I am totally in the learning phase of that right now. It's freaking comical really. You should have seen me attempt to put my parenting skills to the test at the outdoor play area of the Uvillage Mall on a sunny Friday afternoon. Holy cow, she lost it. First tantrum I've witnessed by my precious little Lily. I mean it was nuts. And there were a lot, I mean thousands of people staring at us. She threw herself on the ground, screaming, would not let me touch her, kicking... I mean textbook stuff. I wanted to run away, put her in my shopping bag (which was filled with stuff for HER, mind you) and run to the car. ...yep, I'm learning but at a much slower pace than her from what I can tell.

It really is crazy how quickly they pick up on things at this age. If asked where "Lily's baby" is, she points to my belly. So cute. Though the other day, she was pointing to daddy's belly too so poor kid is definitely confused. In the last couple days, I'm not sure why but she's become so touchy and loving. She does her usual running around the house, carrying as many toys, kitchen gadgets and random pieces of paper as she can in two little arms but lately, she'll stop literally every few minutes and come over to me and clutch my legs so hard as if giving me a hug. But as soon as I reach for her, she is off again... only to return a few moments later for another squeeze. Oh, she also calls me 'Mom' now. Not momma like she used to always do but just Mom. Not sure why but I think it's so cute.

I have grown to adore Halloween. I know Lily enjoyed dressing up and seeing Jake and I dressed up but it's not just that. It's the one holiday that truly brings people together. People that you don't normally spend time with that is... mostly because you never met them. This Halloween, people from all over our (large) neighborhood came by with their kids for trick r' treating and we chatted briefly but genuinely and it was really so nice. I met a really nice neighbor the other day. In fact they came over on Halloween evening for a little bit with their 9 monht old. She said something to me that I completely agree with and it was refreshing. She said, "You know, they always tell you about how difficult it will be having a newborn and then toddler while you're pregnant but they never ever tell you how much fun it would be." She was so right and I recalled all the birthing classes and family prep classes I took and Jake and I both took together and most of what they discussed was labor pains, post partum depression and how you'll need to fight tooth and nail to keep your marriage intact, not to mention you'll get zero sleep, your body will look like hell and you'll lose your social life. You know, a lot of that may be dead right but these are absolutely the best days of my life!

Then again, maybe I wouldn't have believed 'them' if they had told me that I would get such immense joy out of things like the way Lily backs up into a sitting position on my lap for story time, the way she blows on her hot beans, the way she wants to mimic everything I do, the way her body immediately starts dancing as soon as she hears music, how she spins in circles until she gets dizzy and falls down, how she thinks looking through the lacy curtains is hilarious and how a sheet thrown up in the air and over her head is the best thing in the world.

I've said it every time and I'll say it again. Thank you Lily for enriching every day and every aspect of my life. I love you, Pea!

My Lily Turns One !

Another year passes but none have come close to this…

We celebrated Lily’s birthday on Saturday, her actual birth date. I had stayed up the previous nights working on decorations and Jake even helped the night before. We hung up pretty paper flag banners, dangled butterflies in the windows, streamers from one end of the room to the other, picked up balloons, set out the pink butterfly nets mom had picked up, placed the windmills and the flower pots all about. Lily has always loved butterflies and balloons, really anything that hangs, flies or dances in the wind and by golly, we were going to set the mood for her! We brought her downstairs that morning feeling more excited than I can ever remember.  Jake headed down first with a video camera and soon we followed down the stairs and into the dining room (the best location to absorb all the goodness). Beautifully wrapped presents were on the floor sent by friends and family from afar and she “ooooo’d” and pointed at everything specifically, giving each decoration, each tissue paper, each flower it’s deserved admiration. She was enthralled.

Later that afternoon friends graced us with their celebratory smiles and generous gifts for Pea. Jake and I were actually a bit taken back by the outpouring of generosity and genuine love. I’m convinced Lily knew it was her day. She was in great spirits, full of smiles and giggles (especially for her cousins). Near the end of the party, she was walking with Joy and suddenly decided to stand up on her own for a solid 30 seconds. We captured the feat on camera, the little birthday card clinched between her teeth as if it were the only thing balancing the act.  She just stared at everyone and no one moved a muscle until she fell gracefully to her knees and continued on.

I made her a separate (super big) cupcake to do with what she pleased. Expecting her to dive right into it, we video taped but she definitely ended up showing far more interest in the corn on the cob she had later that evening and certainly more enthusiasm for the asparagus she ate for the first time the next day. On her birthday though, she was in the best mood and even stayed up two hours past her bedtime to visit a little longer with Aunt Emmy and Uncle Zac. It was a great day.

Tonight I folded up her freshly cleaned, new birthday clothing and suddenly realized after the third shirt that something was very different. I was folding her clothes like I fold mine… her little clothes have gotten bigger and no longer need to be tucked into those rare folds. Auntie Judy got Lily some cute new bibs and I also suddenly realized that all her current bibs were WAY too small, embarrassingly too small. Her new bibs, which fit her size perfectly are like literally probably 10 times the size of the one she had worn at breakfast that morning.

I guess this past month has been an awakening. It started off when I first laid eyes on and then held sweet little Lucas DelleVechia. He was so handsome and precious but so tiny too, only 5 weeks old. It made me realize how big Lily has managed to grow. Jake was helping me fold up the laundry tonight and as he pulled out Lily’s berry stained, cupcake dress from the previous day, he asked, “Do you want to frame this?” (he was being serious) So it was confirmed, he had a great time celebrating her birthday too, a day that we’d both love to remember as often as possible. Yes, perhaps I will frame that dress.  

Not only has she grown bigger in size but her personality has blossomed! She has learned so much in the past month, it blows my mind. When I visited Danielle and Faith in Denver a few weeks ago, we were at lunch talking about how cute and tiny little baby Faith’s feet and toes were…. I looked over at Lily and saw her staring at me with her foot held so high in the air, I was surprised she hadn’t slipped out of the chair. Hilarious.  She’s quite aware of herself and her surroundings these days. Her favorite things to point at are the enormous Cotton Wood tree in our yard, ducks and dogs (she always chimes in “Dah” when she sees a dog), random strangers who interest her (for reasons only she understands) the butterflies in her room and lights/fans on the ceiling.  She points with her pointer finger out and her thumb pointing up to the sky, looking like she’s giving ‘stick em’ ups’ to every one and thing that interests her.  

She now knows how to communicate and show us that she understands. When asked to, she will pat her head, her nose, and her belly. She will lift her foot up if you ask her where her feet are, kick them upon request. She dances, claps and closes her eyes if asked to. She points out her stuffed animals’ and baby’s eyes, nose, mouth and loves kissing all of them on the mouth. She blows kisses to people she likes (this includes her family and even those random strangers who interest her… pretty funny how certain people will really strike her just right and she starts violently blowing kisses in their direction). Sometimes she’ll even give me a real smacker, and it always makes me giddy. Jake’s first day back at work was this morning, he had taken a month off with us previously, his delayed paternity leave from work. She gave him his first on-the-lips-kiss today before he left for the office and it was pretty sweet. I can’t imagine how hard it was to leave her. He’s a soldier.  

The only hand sign she does on a regular basis is “all done”, that is until today when I decided to start exercising again after taking a few weeks off. She sat on my belly while I did crunches and suddenly she realized how to sign “MORE”. I was thrilled! But over and over she would sign more and every time I had no choice but to continue crunching. I am SO sore.

The other morning I was preparing Lily’s breakfast and she kept wandering off. I found myself saying things like, “Lily, come see momma. Lily, don’t you want some food? Lily, blueberries.”  Once Maddy came galloping into the kitchen instead of Lily, I realized I always got Maddy to come to me by bribing her with similar coaxing. Later that day I heard myself say, “Lily, wanna go outside? Want to go for a walk?” When Maddy came running again, I realized this is how I used to call for her. I felt bad for the poor pup and then immediately questioned my parenting tactics. Thankfully though, I think my Lily is gaining a sense of humor.

Lily likes sticking her feet  in my face when I’m dressing her or changing her diaper. She tries her hardest to get her toes into my nostrils because one time she actually managed to do this and I threw my head back and told her she had stinky toes! She thought that was hilarious and still dies laughing every time I tell her that her feet stink. When we’re eating together and I remind her to slow down and chew her food, she will tease me and chew the most exaggerated chew you’ve ever seen and then snicker through her nose. She’s also becoming snuggly. Sometimes she’ll look at me from across the room and make eye contact, then crawl as fast as she can over to my lap and bury her head in my chest. Melts my heart. She’s continued to give the best pats on the back and now we even get hugs. She is such a darling.

In some ways it’s hard to believe a year has already passed but in more ways, it’s incredibly hard to comprehend how all of the colossal love I’ve experienced, laughter I’ve unleashed, immense joy I’ve felt has all occurred in only one short year…. I feel as though it’s already been a lifetime of emotion and I thank God I have had the opportunity to experience all this richness in just one year. I feel blessed. I feel happy. I feel excited for every year to come.

To my sweet Pea~ You have come into my life and brightened my world. The very thought of you brings such love, laughter, delight and joy to my soul and goose bumps to my entire body. Two days ago I celebrated the best moment of my life and today and forever, I will cherish all that you have already given to me. My wish for you is to stay as curious and playful as you are today. When you see something you like, continue to passionately pursue it… just work on the patience thing a bit. Be kind and generous to those you love and those you do not know. As you do today, always giggle at least once every hour and don’t forget how to belly laugh too. Continue to pause and notice how the leaves dance on the trees and how butterflies float on the wind. Chuckle at the way the cool breeze blows through your bits of hair and continue to point out and talk about all the things that make you smile, and in whatever language you see fit. I loved you so deeply from the moment I met you and I feel so lucky to be in your presence today. You amaze me.  I thank God that I am able to so closely watch this beautiful Lily blossom.

There's no time for anything but fun

We're on our first family vacation in Florida. We'll start in Vero Beach with Jake's family, head to Sarasota to visit Dana, then to Melrose to visit the Grogan's, Digi's and then off to Denver to see the Rockies and visit Danielle and meet Faith. Lily is full of knowledge and tricks; dancing, clapping, blowing kisses and waving on command. She'll also experience her first swim in the ocean.... there's not much time for writing, only playing... here's to family vacation numero uno!!!

A Pat on the Back for Everyone

We have arrived at the double digits, Lily is 10 months! I remember turning 10 years old and being able to finally use all my fingers on both hands to display my age when asked and that felt awesome, so this month is a special one for sure. Nope, Lily is no longer my sweet little lap baby, she is fully on the move and has zero time for sitting still (I may have said this last month and I definitely believed it, but movement has taken on a new meaning this month).  The few times I am actually able to sit still and reflect, it truly blows my mind how fast she has grown and developed. I continue to be amazed by life.

This month has been incredible and FUN. I, however, am probably more tired now than even in those early days when we first brought Lily home from the hospital. It’s probably the combination of her needing to constantly move, me needing to let her explore but trailing right behind her and trying my hardest to even let her fall sometimes, in addition to her new (not) sleeping pattern for the past month. She wants to look, touch, lick, talk to, jump on, crawl up, tap with her hands, kick with her feet, everything within her sight (which according to the books, and my Optometrist, she has better vision than I). Basically that means she wants to get into everything.  It’s incredible to watch but also difficult at times to determine what should be ‘out of bounds’ without hampering any development. It’s funny though. By the time I get her to bed around 6:30pm every day, I am exhausted, yet often find myself looking at all of her pictures on the computer until I get too tired and need sleep myself. When she first started sleeping through the night, I remember Jake and I used to stare at her monitor and want to wake her up so badly to play.

 
This is such a sweet thing. Lily has started to pat my back when she gets tired, when she gets hurt or sometimes just when she wants to be held and cuddled.  Of course since she was brand new, we’ve always had moments of holding her close, talking softly to her and lovingly patting her back. Now she returns the gesture, a pat on my back and soft ‘baa baa baa’s or maa maa maa’s, and it just melts me.  

She has started displaying affection in other ways as well. Despite my many attempts to teach her the tenderness of a loving, gentle kiss, she’s convinced the way to do it is to bite… though she does mean it in the most loving way (at least that’s what her mum is convincing herself of).  It’s funny how she treats different stuffed animals. With Doctor Dancer, she shakes him up and down, up and down repeatedly. Then with her fingers she pokes very specific parts of his face. With Dragon, she gives him enormous hugs. He is very soft and fluffy and she hugs his neck tight and gently wiggles back and forth, clutching him. And with Baby, (she loves her baby) Lily holds Baby by the hands and bites her cheeks, forehead and mouth.

 
She obviously has learned who is who by now and routinely treats them all as she sees fit. In the mornings I lay down her polka dotted quilt. She loves seeing it up in the air, only to come down slowly and softly onto the ground (and I love doing this, as it reminds me of my childhood and being tucked into bed with the sheet soaring above my body and then being gently pulled down from my face. In the mornings, I open the pages to all the day’s books so that they stand up and she can see the cover from her crawl position. Then all of her stuffed animals line up against the couch. First I start out by my asking her, “where is Dragon, where is Doctor Dancer, where is Baby,” and so on, pausing each time in between friends so that she can provide the appropriate affection. Whenever it’s Baby’s turn, her eyes light up and she gets the “quite pleased” look on her smiley pursed lips. (then she licks them and prepares for Baby’s ‘kiss’)
 
I ate probably 4 ounces of mashed broccoli & peas and probably about 2 ounces of brown rice cereal with banana yesterday, Lily’s lunch.  With all the crawling, standing up, bouncing, talking, pulling, pushing, biting, hugging, falling down to do in one day, there’s hardly time to eat food… or so apparently Lily believes.  Some days it’s nearly impossible to get her to eat her meals and sometimes the only way to get her excited enough to actually indulge is to see her ole Momma eat as well. And no, Momma eating her yummy bagel with cream cheese and capers and tomatoes and onion won’t do, Momma must eat mashed something off Lily’s spoon. But heck, of all the things I’ve been more than willing and happy to do for that kid, I believe eating Lily mush is completely doable. Thankfully we are getting better at giving her a taste of whatever we’re eating. I learned a few weeks back that she loves Salmon in beurre blanc sauce, along with roasted broccoli.
 
Lily has learned a few more new tricks. She can now wiggle her own toes (sort of) and the few times she’s actually nailed that effort, she was floored! She shakes her head no if she doesn’t want something (And yes, she still thinks momma saying, ‘no’ is funny. Initially it was hilarious and adorable but I suppose we may need to address this at some point. Damn.). She knows to turn around on the couch and go feet first to land on the ground. She’s tried a few times to let go of the couch or my hands and stand on her own, only to fall a few milliseconds after. She definitely has an opinion of her own and picks which books she wants read by patting them when given a selection (Hand Hand Fingers Thumb has by far been her favorite). She has a HUGE newfound love for balloons and balls. Bachan just got her a dinosaur walking toy and watching her walk with it for the past few days has been one of the most fun things I’ve experienced since becoming mum. She is usually always in my arms or at my feet or within inches from me, so when I see her walking on her own, using her push toy 10 feet away from me, I see a little girl beginning to grow up. I took a zillion pictures of this feat today and as I viewed them (of course immediately after she went down for the night, it brought tears to my eyes) She’s growing up and I am proud of her little self.
 
There’s so much that’s changed over the past 10 months and when we finally do get a little quiet time to sit and reflect, our minds are blown. Jake shared with me a few nights back before we closed our eyes to sleep that we’re lucky to be alive to experience all of this. I agree and we are lucky to have given life. Lily teaches us every day to stop, reflect, “smell the roses” or rather giggle at the sun shining through the maple leaves, ritually shout out to the neighbor’s dark purple tulips as we check the mail every day. Pink flowers seem to be her favorite and she’s not shy about it either. On our daily walks, we pass a house with gigantic pink Rhododendronsin the yard and she makes all these excited, gaspy noises and then giggles. She’s intrigued by the evergreens right now, the tips of the branches are bright green with new growth. The wind solemns her and the sound of chirping birds makes her curious. She wants to see, smell, touch everything that is beautiful. I hope she has this much zest for life always. And even some things that aren’t so beautiful, a couple of twigs on the ground, a pile of dirt, some ants carrying a dead ant away, she appreciates. I hope she does this always.

Here’s to another month with you, sweet love. Your hugs and pats and giggles and smiles please me beyond word. I love you, happy 10 months, Pea!

"Empress of the Rain"

Someone told me the other day that my baby is now a toddler. Time has flown by and Lily doesn’t seem to be slowing down. She is finally mobile …commando style, that is. (Jake promises that he hasn’t been playing Call of Duty in front of her) She gets a good grip on the floor with her hands, pulls, and then quickly drags her legs and feet behind her. It’s actually quite efficient and of course I think it’s adorable. Her main inspiration for this feat is our poor little neglected old timer, Maddy. “Maaa!” Lily exclaims whenever Maddy enters the room and her hands take off toward Maddy, arms, body, legs racing after. Maddy has been starved for attention for the past 9 months but has recently resurfaced in the Braly home as a star. And as of April 23, when Lily finally figured out how to move, Maddy has been her main objective. Maddy, who previously was at our beckon call or even glance, has however, been in hiding for the past week. Maddy likes Lily but not nearly as much as Lily loves Maddy, and I laughed so hard yesterday when Lily and I called for Maddy and Maddy ran directly into the other room and hid from us under her blanket. Lily looked up at me so puzzled. I didn’t have the heart to tell her that Maddy does not feel the same way about her.

A lot has happened this past month: “crawling”, pulling herself up and walking along the couch and 4 new top teeth. Lily also had her first big cold, she traveled out of the country, she had her first taste of meat and her mum turned 30.

It’s been an absolutely wonderful month! But even that being said, I can still admit that I had the worst bout of helplessness. It was so hard to see Lily sick, she had a fever of 103 and an ear infection but the worst part was her stuffed up nose. If only she knew how to “blow”! I would try to tickle her nose so she could sneeze, which actually worked somewhat because without that, she couldn’t breathe or drink her milk.  J and I got zero sleep for about 72 hours. (it’s amazing how quickly we forgot how challenging it can be to care for a non sleeping baby) And then, I got sick to which I was very disappointed and shocked. I thought moms were immune to their child’s illnesses! On top of her sickness, we learned that four top teeth had broken through the gum. That’s right, my little pea has 6 teeth and all of a sudden, her gummy grin isn’t so gummy anymore. We also learned Amoxicillin makes Lily bonkers. Jake kept asking me, “Is this okay? Is she normal?” If I had a penny for every time either one of us have said or thought that, Lily’s college education would already be paid 10 times over. Lily has always drifted off peacefully to sleep for 12 hours at around 6pm since she was about 4 months old. But when she is on the Amoxicillin, it’s a whole different (hyperactive) story. I was standing, swaying and singing with her, as we always do before bedtime, and she was violently shaking her head back and forth, chomping her jaws, making crazy noises, using her feet to crawl up my chest and onto my face and those eyes, those wild eyes! Bonkers I tell you. To say the least, I’ll certainly never forget her first cold and how sad it made me feel for her. I’ll also never forget how sweet Jake was; walking in her room in the middle of the night to check on her, gently rubbing vapor rub on her chest, ensuring her humidifier was super clean and misting absolutely perfectly. He’s a good dad.

Outside of the week of sickness, I have been seeing a whole lot more smiles. She is definitely developing her own sense of humor. She likes to make faces now at me. She makes an O with her mouth and raises her eyebrows and then laughs real hard. She repeats this until one of us laughs so hard we can’t take it any longer. I can already tell, I am definitely experiencing a lot of those moments that I’ll just always carry close to me.

For the first time in her life, Lily was told “no” last week. What was her reaction? She laughed really hard. Oh boy, I told Jake, we are going to have our hands full! Now that she’s gone mobile, she is able to fix her eyes on something fabulous, commando crawl to it and of course, put it in her mouth. Yesterday at the park, she became obsessed with all the yellow dandelions in the field. She picked one and put it to her mouth. “No Lily,” I said, and she looked at me with a surprised look for a moment and then pure belly laughs followed. This continued for the next 5 minutes. She would look directly at me, and then hold the flower up to her lips, “No Lily” and insatiable laughter ensued. She finally became bored of my authority and started playing with her toes.

Lily, like most babies, became very interested in her feet and toes at around 3 months. However, recently after I got a pedicure, she became obsessed with my dark pink toenails. “Ahhh! Ahhh!” and the “Ahhs” grow louder until I give them a little wiggle and then she just loses it, laughing so hard. So about that pedicure… I realized the other day when I strangely decided to look into the mirror, that I should make more of a habit of doing that. I realize this is an awful thing to say but I remember before I was married and with a ‘toddler’, I told myself I would never ‘let myself go’ like I had seen so many moms do after they have a baby. “Gosh they look miserable,” I admit I would think to myself. But here I am, not a stitch of makeup on, hair in a bun, and wearing those sweatpants and fuzzy socks you only wear when you’re like on your period or have strep throat or something. I’m also sure I’m sporting mashed avocado (Lily’s lunch) somewhere on me but I am happier than I can ever remember. It’s not that anyone has let themselves go, it’s that mothers just let themselves focus on what is important. This whole baby thing and growing up thing is really cool. I’m learning a lot. (though I still don’t think it would hurt to glance in the mirror before Jake gets home from work and maybe one other time during the day. Yes, two times surely is manageable within a 24 hour period)

In addition to pink toenails, Lily also thinks chicken is extremely hilarious for some reason. It was her first taste of meat, boiled chicken, hardly exciting but she would beg to differ. She loved it and adamantly “uuuughhhh’d!” for more.  

Lily made her first trip out of the country to Vancouver, BC so she could meet Giechan (mom’s dad) and the rest of mom’s family. We made the voyage and also sought a Japanese name to be bestowed upon her from the old and wise Geichan.  My Geichan is 94 years old. He and my Bachan, who is now passed, never spoke much English but we communicated just fine through smiles and gestures (often times I’m sure ‘talking’ about completely different things but still maintaining a ‘conversation’) When we arrived at his home, he lit up when he saw Lily and immediately wanted to hold her. I heard him muttering little Japanese words to her and I wondered what he was saying. She took right to him and it made me feel good inside.

When I mentioned that I wanted Geichan to give Lily a Japanese name, everyone got very excited and started shouting out names. My mom’s family is pretty funny and every time we get together, someone always has to remind us to quiet down. Later that evening, Jake and I were home on the couch, mulling over the Japanese names shouted out for Lily and we decided on a melding of names: Kimieko Ame. Kimie (after my bachan and my middle name- it means empress), Ko (after my mom, YuriKo) and Ame because it means rain and Lily was born in the rainy PNW. So her name means Empress of the Rain.

It was really neat to see Lily with mom’s side of the family. I looked at my Geichan at one point and thought to myself that it must feel pretty freaking cool to sit back in his big chair and look upon all his children, grandchildren and now great grandchild. All 15 people were gathered in that room together, sharing laughter and hugs because of him. Lord willing, Jake and I will sit in that same ‘seat’ one day. Life is incredible.

Lily loves her baby. It’s pretty cute, at about six months, Lily fell in love with a little, pretty, pink doll from Jake’s Grama named Baby. She just lights up when she sees Baby. In some way I almost think that she likes to love on her baby like her mum likes to love on her. Lily has many stuffed animals and with the most recent naming of Jason, the singing giraffe, I believe all of them have finally been named. With the help of cousins, Olivia and Elliott, there is Zoomer and Zaffer, the squirrels, Dragon, the giraffe, Gruff, the dog, Janey the Zebra, Teddy, the teddy bear, Butterfly, the butterfly, Dr. Dancer, the moose, Ziff, the whoozit, Lamby, the lamb, Captain One Eye, the octopus, Leo, the lion and wick, willy and diddle the random objects.

Jake’s mom recently sent me a video recap of the late bluesy singer/guitarist, Phoebe Snow’s life. The video captured her performing on stage and at the close of her performance, she had said, “I hope that in your lifetime you experience exquisite and divine love like I had for my daughter.” I think this same thing often and in some (probably) very strange way, it makes me sad to think that not everyone in the world will have a chance to meet Lily. Of course every parent thinks this about their child but she just brings such immense joy to me and I wish I could share that feeling around the world. It’s just incredible and it’s no wonder I constantly have the song “This Little Light of Mine” in my head. There’s this one thing that we do and it’s one of those things that makes me wish she would stay 18 pounds forever. I pick her up in my arms, her body in front of mine and we spin in circles. Maybe it’s because it was my favorite toy when I was a child but it makes me think of a kaleidoscope. All I see is her beautiful giggling face, her big dark eyes shifting back and forth as we spin, twirling objects around us and swirls of colors.  It’s one of those activities that I know I will look back on and remember with such fondness.

Speaking of things in my childhood and looking back and then growing up… I turned 30 this month. From a (complete and utter) surprise birthday party, to a new piano, to an incredible book of pictures and words from my friends and family, to Mel visiting all the way from New Zealand, Jake made turning 30 an absolute blast!

Of course I was asked several times, “So, how do you feel, turning the big three oh??” The second time I was asked this, I stopped and thought about it and realized, I’m quite thrilled! I can’t think of any other way I’d love to celebrate my 30^th birthday than with sweet Lily in my arms and Jake by my side. God has blessed my 30 years in so many ways. I am so thankful for my loving, supportive family/community in which I grew up in, the amazing and endless memories in my 20’s with the best girl friends one could ask for and although life has moved me clear across the country, I am thankful that distance has not kept me from sharing and rejoicing with both family and friends in all that I have now in Lily and Jake.

And as I sit here and reflect upon my own life on my little girl’s 9 month birthday, I sit with tears streaming down my cheeks, in the comfort of my loving husband, in the warmth of our home and with the assurance of great family and friends in my life, I feel incredibly FULL.

Once again, here’s to another month celebrated with you, sweet Lily. You have made my 30 years complete. May your light always shine, little one. I love you!

Mummmmmmm

My baby has turned into a girl. Onesies are only for bedtime now, she wears real girl clothes, separate pants and shirts. She also started wearing shoes. No longer do I tote around the carseat, she’s definitely a hip baby now. She enjoys good conversation, though we still don’t speak the same language. She eats ‘real’ food now and can even pick up her puffs and put them in her own mouth.

Lily can stand up on her own if she’s holding onto the couch. She enjoys full on belly laughs almost as much as I enjoy watching them. Her new favorite game is when I pretend to be asleep and then wake up with a shriek “I’m awake!” We are very silly these days. Lily has started to say Mom or Mum Mum Mummmmmmmm. It’s awesome. One of my favorite things though is her whole hearted smile with no gum. I call it her “I’m quite pleased” look. Her eyes get squinty, eyebrows raise slightly, the nose crinkles up and she grins so big that every dimple caves.

Lily also earned her first “wings” a couple of weeks ago when we flew to Nashville to visit Jake’s family. It was a wonderful thing to see her meet everyone and I think Jake was right when he said as soon as we walked through the door, she knew she was with family. It was truly amazing how she took so quickly to Jake’s brother Luke and sister, Katy. (this meeting all following a new phase of not liking strangers) Luke immediately got the “quite pleased” look and Katy got a full on smile and “Ahhh!” (which means ‘awesome!’). I was surprised at the generosity of her cuddles with Jake’s dad (it’s even a rarity that I get them) and she just had tons of fun with Jake’s mom. I often feel proud of my girl though she’s only accomplished things a mother could be proud of; first dirty diaper, lifting her head, sitting up, eating a cheerio, etc. Lily made me proud once again when we visited Katy’s day program, Brightstone, an organization focused on enhancing the lives of adults with special needs. We brought Lily to help celebrate Katy’s birthday with her Brightstone friends and I was touched as each person approached us in their own way. Jennifer loved touching Lily’s hair and repeatedly reminded me of that. Lily held the fingers of several individuals who were very inquisitive and wanted to share every detail of every baby they ever met. While she was very serious at first, she ended up dishing out a lot of smiles. And Alyssa, she was so sweet. All it took was one hug from her and Lily became enamored. Alyssa kept her arm around Lily and Lily kept her fingers on Alyssa’s pretty sparkly shirt.

 Lily actually traveled quite well, she only slept for about 30 minutes on one flight but she also only screamed for about 3 minutes total. Passengers loved her, applauded her, took pictures of her, wanted to touch her (I, on the other hand, tried to avoid this).  I also did not like the incredible turbulence on our last leg back home. I have flown a decent amount in my day and have never been scared during a turbulent flight. However, I was shaking and clutching Lily as our plane repeatedly dropped. People were vomiting, women were crying. A pastor placed his hands on people and prayed. I was terrified. Finally we landed and as I looked over to Jake to ask him how long it would take us to drive from our layover in MN back home to Seattle, he looked confused. He slept right through our potential demise. And seeing as both my husband and baby were not frightened, I decided we could board our next flight home to Seattle.

We recently instated reggae hour every afternoon. Lily enjoys kicking her feet and banging things together. She actually kind of has rhythm and a couple days ago I busted out the guitar again and we sang together. “UuuhhhAAA. UuuuhhhAAA,” she sings and her eyebrows dance to the song. Strangely, so far I’ve found that she enjoys Jewel’s “Who Will Save Your Soul” the most. Odd but true.

Speaking of playing music, I’ve always absolutely loved playing guitar and singing, be it in a living room, at Lillians or PJs. I’m just not good at it. I was second string pitcher on my softball team and second fastest on my cross country team in high school. I was first seed on my tennis team but we also always lost. In college I changed my major several times. I can’t remember how many tests I took to determine my life interests. I’ve always loved cooking, though it seems every time I manage to make something delicious, it’s been by pure coincidence and generally impossible to recreate.  I had a decent career (prior to having Lily) but I never loved it, I was good at it, though never enthusiastic about it.

My point is, I’ve never been so in love, so passionate about what I did for a living until now. I finally feel as though this is what I am supposed to be doing. And of all the things I have tried out for, succeeded at, failed at, wanted so badly, what I want most now is to be triumphant as Lily’s mom, role model, friend.  

It’s too hard to explain. It’s too hard to understand why even just attempting to pen my immense feelings regarding motherhood brings tears to my eyes and goose bumps to my arms, it just does. And I know there aren’t words to express, but there are very very lucky women in this world who are blessed with the opportunity to be called Mummmmm and they understand.

I love you, angel girl. Happy 8 months!

I am Momma Bear

I am Momma Bear.

I've always been really creeped out by spiders. I think my fear over those furry 8 legged animals began when I was a child. However, one would think I would be fearless. For as a child growing up in the Florida swamp, you had to be on constant guard for creatures that wanted to eat, bite, sting or stab you. From swimming with water moccasins to building forts in coral snake territory to canoeing over alligators and keeping an eye out for black widows or brown recluses near the water slides to the less fearsome creatures such as scorpions, back swimmers, horseflies, fire ants and no seeums. You'd think after that kind of exposure as a kid, spiders wouldn't bother me, but they are the only ones that always have.

My point is, yesterday I spotted Lily reaching for a spider on her exersaucer and I did not hesitate for a second... I leaped over the grocery bags on the floor and smacked that spider with my bare hand. I think I may have even let out a little growl.

It's been about a month since our last post. Since then, some of Lily's new tricks include sitting up completely on her own and not falling over. She also intentionally rolls over to her stomach, though after being there for a few minutes, she still gets a little frustrated. "Grrrrrr" she says. I call her my tiger. We are trying our damnedest to teach her baby sign but she just growls instead when she wants or doesn't want something and so far, she's learning that gets the job done just fine. In addition to her growls, she really enjoys making raspberry noises, her vocabulary astounding.

Lily has finally embraced peekaboo! We recently added that to her bedtime routine. It's quite adorable. I toss the light transulcent cloth up in the air and let it gently fall over her head. Her cheeks puff the material out as she smiles. She laughs from under it as she looks quickly from side to side, anxiously waiting for the unveiling. Finally off with the cloth and a high pitched, "there she is!!", always does the trick, she's in stitches.

I wish I had her imagination. She is able to spot literally anything and recognize it as an incredibly awesome toy. Or maybe she's not at the developmental stage yet where she has much of an imagination but rather it is her always playful, happy attitude. Yes, if only I could bottle that.

Last week suddenly Lily did not want to take her naps. She has always taken very precise 30 minute naps (3 per day), it has literally been like clock work, not a minute longer. But last week she fussed so much as I tried to do my usual bouncing up and down and all around with her in the Ergo. We had proudly condensed that ritual dance down to only about 5 minutes before she would fall fast asleep and I could lay her down for each nap. But, suddenly it did not work and she fussed and cried and even screamed one day, so much to the point that I was in tears too when Jake came home.

But a few days ago we rediscovered music (I even invented a baby sign for it, and we only use like 3 signs in this house, that's how crucial it is). Lily loooves music and Pandora has made our days even more enjoyable, particularly the Elizabeth Mitchell station. It's real great. So now before every nap time, I put Lily in the Ergo and instead of mindlessly bouncing up and down and all around, we dance (which actually doesn't look all that different) to folky blue grass baby loving songs. These occurrences have no doubt been some of the most special moments with my girl. We start out humming (she smiles and coos), then her eyes soften and look directly up at me. She focuses on my eyes and mine on hers, I absolutely LOVE the look she gives just before she dozes. The heavy blinking begins and finally she tilts her head to the side and closes those big eyes. Some days I put her down in her crib to finish her nap and some days I continue to dance softly with her until she wakes up.

  

I wonder if mom remembers it, but I recall when I was little seeing her dance to music in our living room. She danced all crazy (or 'free' as she probably would call it) with her arms flying above her and her feet and legs moving spontaneously below her. It's actually one of my most treasured kid memories. At any rate, sometimes when Lily and I are dancing, I think about mom's moves. Man, mom was awesome. (still is) But I'm convinced she's the most creative mom to ever exist, she could make a pile of cornstarch out of this world awesome. In fact she did. We may not have had the latest gadgets or coolest toys, but mom did things with paper and scissors you couldn't comprehend but would most definitely enjoy the heck out of. She got us hamsters and named them Funshine and Moondancer. I just always remember her being so energetic and creative and fun. I also remember thinking she was so beautiful. When I found out we were having a baby girl, I quickly reminisced the fabulous tea parties mom would set up for us and it made me very anxious to buy pink and lace.

I'm sure dad recalls...some of my most favorite childhood memories are from those nights when my big strong dad would pick me up in his arms before bed and carry me all about the house. The tradition went like this: I would close my eyes super tight (I never peeked once!), dad would walk around the house for quite some time with me cradled in his arms. He'd walk up the stairs and down the stairs, he'd also huff and puff and take hard steps as he would pretend to walk up and down stairs. He would spin around in circles until we were both dizzy. He'd trick me some more and say things like "wow your brothers room looks really messy" (as I'm sure he was not passing Tim's room downstairs but rather the upstairs TV room or something). Or he'd act like he was drinking some water in the kitchen when really I'm sure there was no glass at all and he was standing in the hallway as he gulped loudly. He would flick lights on or off, depending. Finally the game ended as he lay me down on something (the basement floor, the piano bench, the living room sofa, mom and dad's bed, etc) and I would have to keep my eyes closed and guess where I was.

In some ways I feel like I am so different than my parents but in many many ways I hope I can be even half the incredible people I remember from when I was a child.

 

Lily is already chock full of her own favorite things of the past. She used to love sitting in her exersaucer and she'd go absolutely bonkers if you laid her on her back and did circles with her legs as you sang "Wheels on the Bus." If she was fussing, all you'd have to do is something like "blllllrrrrrreeeeep!" in a high pitched sweet voice. It's a little sad how those things no longer excite her as they used to but it's fun too because she's growing so much and changing and I'm learning all the new things that really push her giggle buttons.

Her new favorite things include jumping on my lap. I hold her arms and she just jumps and jumps and jumps forever. A friend of mine asked me the other day what we do all day and I laughed as I recounted my day to him: Lily jumped on my lap for a long time, then we laid on our backs and kicked our feet and stared at our hands (something she also loves by the way, not sure why). I know it must have sounded so lame to him but he politely raised his eyebrows as if interested and smiled. He'll understand one day.

Lily loves playing with Maddy and Maddy loves licking bananas off her hands. They make a good team. Lily also loves her sippy cup, not sure why but she goes nuts for cold water. She has eaten bananas, sweet potatos, peas, carrots and apples. I think her favorite is sweet potato and her least favorite is apples (funniest face ever) She also loves to go upside down. We got a late snow a couple weeks ago and Lily loved being out in it. She starred out the window from the living room and "Grrrrr"'d, so I bundled us up and we laid down outside in the half inch of snow and watched the wind blow the flakes off the trees. I had never seen her so peaceful, it was actually quite moving.

Lily has always loved and still goes crazy for "The Noble Duke of York" song and 'dance'. Her first giggles happened in the air during that song and belly laughs are sure to ensue now during that same tune. She also has always loved being up in the air, "waaaay up high". She loves when I say "beep!" in a super high pitched voice and touch her nose. She really really loves looking in the mirror together. I say "Hello" and we pop in front of the mirror and "goodbye" and we pop away. And it just so happens that her favorite store in the mall is my favorite store! Aritzia has a section in their store that is all mirrors, different shapes and sizes and they surround you. Lily and I go in there and dance around and she laughs harder than she ever has before. I think I've made one purchase in there since Lily was born but we still swing by somewhat often and the girls in the store are so sweet and know us by name.

One of the best things though that inevitably makes her smile is when I do. It melts my heart.  Seven months have flown by, my Lily Pea but they've been the best days of mine and your daddy's life!

Happy Six Months to my Lily!

Today my little pea turns six months. It feels like quite the milestone. It also feels like enormous changes have occurred since my last posting less than a month ago. It’s simply incredible how fast Lily is growing and I’m just amazed by life, particularly hers and I continue to fall even deeper in love.  My breath is literally taken away from me sometimes during those quiet moments and I just think ‘wow’ and ‘God, thank you’.  Yes, those quiet moments or “Lily time” as I like to call them have been wonderful. I remember taking a trip with my best friend to Jamaica one year and everyone talked about being on “Island Time, Mon”. Now that trip is a bit fuzzy, but it did make me think of the term “Lily Time”. Yes, it certainly has different connotations. And time doesn’t stop, no certainly not, not with all this fast growing up Lily has been busy doing… and time doesn’t slow down either, rather I do.

When it’s time for sleep, it’s time to stop what you’re doing, quiet down, sing soft songs, cuddle and continue to do all of the above until Lily is good and ready to close those precious eyes. When it’s time to eat, it’s time to stop, quiet down and give Lily her milk. Yes, we have been late, yes, we have missed dates. We have let dishes sit in the sink, we have been unable to answer phone calls, and we didn’t walk the many miles with the stroller to burn the many calories I had envisioned post partum.  And while I think at first it was hard, downright frustrating at times, I very quickly learned to embrace every moment of it and I thank God for grace because these moments have been plentiful and wonderful.

It’s a long story for next time but due to some swallow anomaly, I have been pumping all my breastmilk and giving it to Lily in a bottle with a slow nipple. Basically (with respect to the founding of “Lily Time” anyway) this meant that it would take Lily over an hour to finish just one 4 ounce bottle. There has been a lot of quiet time. She’s gotten better and our quiet times are now closer to 20 minutes/feed. But during these many moments, I have learned more about patience, done more thinking, more appreciating, more loving, more praying than I think I have ever done in my lifetime. “Lily Time” has slowed me down and been so good for me. I’m amazed at how much even I have grown over these past six months.

Very recently I suddenly felt a new sense of independence coming from Lily. She no longer needs me to get Sophie the Giraffe’s foot into her mouth, she simply does it herself. She entertains herself for long stretches now by finally being able to grab those chubby feet. If she’s bored of being on her back, she’ll roll to her tummy. If she wants her whoozit, she grabs it.  At night, she no longer needs those hour long cuddle sessions to fall asleep (though I  think I may still and sometimes it’s hard to fall asleep).  She sits up by herself now, laughs at inanimate objects and chews on her fingers or watches her toes to keep amused.  It’s so funny, I was just telling mom she is the busiest person I know. She is always working on something, from getting her foot into her mouth, to pounding on and around the button that makes the music play, she is at constant work, not a moments rest. Just like her daddy.

It was an emotional week for me. We finally moved her out of our bedroom and into her own room which we poured sweat, time, dough and a whole lot of thought into before her birth.  I have laughed out loud at myself already but I prop up the baby monitor so that it is only a couple inches away from my face when we go to bed. It is in direct view when I open my eyes in the middle of the night to check on her. It is also turned up as loud as possible and it’s actually pretty amazing that we are able to sleep with the light shining so bright and the noise of “Spa Lily” coming through loud on the monitor speakers. I’m sure slowly but surely I’ll inch it away, turn the video feature off, turn the speakers down, etc… Jake is patient with my transition.

I don’t know how we managed to do it, but we nailed Lily’s room- it is SO Lily. I think she really loves it, her eyes truly light up when we walk into it and the butterflies dangling from her ceiling make her laugh and kick and squeal with such delight. We did move our bedroom from downstairs to the upstairs  (just about 10 feet away from her nursery) but I think the culmination of things- her new abilities to (somewhat) function without me, the new sleeping arrangements, she just got her first tooth in, we just set up her highchair and she began eating from a spoon. I also boxed all of her teeny tiny onesies up into several boxes. We packed up her infant tub and also the little bassinet. The Boppie is gone and small 4 ounce bottles, pacifiers and swaddling blankets have all taken their spot in the basement storage. I think moving the bassinet to the basement though was when the tears came for me.

Of course she is going to grow up, I’ve known this!  And of course I look forward to experiencing that. Of course I want to raise a confident, independent, capable child.  But the thing is…. I LOVE who she is right now and can't help but wonder if I'll miss 'her'. I love the new games we play in the mirror, the songs I sing that make her go bonkers, the way she gets so out of her mind excited when I simply say “UP!” and put her over my head. I love that she eats her toes. I love that as we lay on our backs next to each other each night before bed and read books, she sticks her nose into my cheek every few pages and thinks it’s so funny. I love the noises she makes right now, they were so great before but they are so great now and I want to hear them for the rest of my life. I love that she loves getting backscratches from me (it’s incredibly funny to watch her little body lean into the scratch) I love that when she’s in someone else’s arms, she finds me in the room and grins real big. I love that we just go everywhere together. I love how she plays with my fingers  when we’re just sitting on the couch and how she cups my chin with her tiny hand when she’s drinking her milk. I love that all I have to do is give her a smile and it’s guaranteed that I get one back. I love that when she sees/hears/experiences something new, she always looks to me first to make sure I give the approving smile and nod before she too approves.  Something tells me this won’t carry on into teen years.

It really does seem like just yesterday she was unable to hold her head up. Her lips were so teeny tiny and her eyes bright but timid. I knew she was growing fast though, like right before my eyes, especially in those early weeks. I recall  for whatever reason, when she was eating (which as all moms know is A LOT at first), I would just stare at the side of her face and notice her ear. I watched that ear grow so fast over the first few weeks.

And during those initial weeks of her life, it was difficult for me to dress her because I just kept envisioning that soft, supple, beautiful skin so recently submerged in a dark, warm cozy place. I always felt bad dressing her, like even the very soft, organic, washed-with-no-perfume-or-dyes-detergent onesie I would dress her in was rough on that soft skin of hers. I never told Jake, but there were several outfits I actually cut off of her body in those early days because I couldn’t bare the thought of pulling it over her head again.

I don’t know, ‘they’ tell me that I won’t be this neurotic on the next go round- but something tells me I will still miss my baby whenever it’s time for her to move to her own room, be a little sad to pack up those tiny onesies, look forlornly at the bassinet when it’s time for it to take another stand in the basement.  Yes, I hope to experience all the incredibly amazing, emotional overwhelming highs of being a parent to new life again. I also hope to live in “Lily Time” indefinitely, it’s a good place for me. A good friend of mine welcomed me to “the motherhood club” after Lily was born. I now realize what an honor it is to be here. Tonight I am going to sit next to my husband, hold his hand and lovingly watch my monitor.  Lily, you continue to amaze me. I loved who you were from day one, I love you more than words can express now and know it’s only going to get better. You make my world a better place. Happy six months, sweetie pea!!

Here's a silly little song I wrote for Lily about a month after she was born...

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=e997w_u9x9s

You are so pretty, my little Lily
Your hands are starting to grow
Your eyes now know me, smiles do show me that you're a happy little pea

These are the days, the heavens I praise
for giving you to me
The dishes can sit, fashion I quit,
it's time for my baby

You are so perfect, the late nights so worth it
You keep on teaching me
to smile for no reason, giggle at the rain season,
You are so good for me

Living in the New Year!

Life is so much better with Jake and Lily. I try to let it completely consume me. In a good way. I almost can’t remember what it was like without them. Yes, running errands can be more difficult now, it’s definitely a challenge when every step you take is dictated by a 4 month old. Everything just takes  longer and just getting in and out of the car can feel monumental. But as I stood and waited in the infamous ‘returns’ line at the mall after Christmas, I told myself to never forget this moment. Lily needed her diaper changed, the spitup from this morning was now crusted to my sweatshirt, I was still chilled to the bone from taking a cold shower, I finally admitted that my adorable new Frye boots were digging into my ankle to the point of causing great pain, I was sneezing non stop from what I would later find out was a little cold… but with every sneeze I belted, Lily would look up at me and giggle so hard! Best awful-long-return line-after-Christmas experience ever.

An old gentleman walked up to Lily and I, I’m guessing he was a healthy 80 something year old. His pants were hiked up higher than Lily’s (and if you know anything about Lily’s pants from pictures, you’d know that we much prefer her with her pants hiked up as high as possible- freaking hilarious). The man was well dressed (rather he wore expensive name brands), his fancy slacks were quite short, showing off his Nautica socks and very white sneakers. His hair was perfectly combed over in the front but standing straight up in the back and his button down shirt, crisp. (I concluded later that his wife dresses him daily) He was a close talker and once he approached our space, said “This your first and last?” as he pointed at Lily. I laughed and told him I wanted plenty more just like her but jokingly pointed to Jake and told him my husband may have a different plan. The man laughed almost too hard and shook his head. “He don’t know it yet but he ain’t got no control over anything. He’ll learn. Trust me.” He walked past Jake, paused behind him (unbeknownst to my darling husband), shook his head again and continued on to take his place next to his wife as she pretended to care about his opinion on the napkin ring holders she was contemplating purchasing. He obliged her and I wondered if what he said was true.

Oh how I have fallen madly in love with the holidays- I loved driving in our new neighborhood and seeing the warmth fill the insides of homes on the street and  I love the colored lights this year (must be the kid in me for Lily).  It’s fun that  cranberry is an accepted ingredient in almost every dish during the holidays and there are so many reasons for getting together with friends and family- the Christmas break gatherings, the Christmas Eve dinner, Christmas day dinner, day after Christmas leftovers, New Years Eve and New Years Day celebrations… an extra excuse for wrapping your arms around your husband, your family, your friends. An excuse for long distance texts and phone calls to old friends and oh, the many photo opts… My mom, sister and I have had many photo sessions over the years, I suppose it’s ‘an inside joke’ but the essence of these many pictures is extremely comical. I often think about how absolutely thrilled I am that Lily will grow up close to such fine and fun ladies.  

This year I loved Christmas Carols more than ever and decided to play them every day starting after Thanksgiving. I sang them to Lily and finally, at 29 years old, learned the words to many Christmas songs I had been incorrectly singing for years. Did you know there are words like “offspring” “Veiled in flesh” and “Godhead” in the song, “Hark the Harold Angels Sing”? It’s a good thing I enjoy those carols so much because it will still be a Silent Night come summertime, I’m sure of it. I have learned that is the ONLY song these days that will calm Lily down if she’s sad and only song that puts her to sleep if those heavy eyes are stubborn. This was all good and fine in December, but I have always had a hard enough time seeing Christmas lights still up on neighbors houses in January (which by the way, now that I have a kid, am completely forgiving of), let alone singing carols in my house when it’s July.  … needless to say, I am still in search of new lulling lullabies.

At the close of each year, I always try to read the famous speech by Anna Quindlen (http://iis.stat.wright.edu/munsup.seoh/usefulNotes/educationalNotes/annaQuindlen.htm)  And every time after reading, I include in my list of New Years resolutions, to remember to live as Anna so eloquently encourages, to truly live. If you’ve not read the above excerpt, I encourage you to and if you have read it, read it again. Somehow she is able to articulate the approach to life that I get so hyped up about at the start of every year.  …at my humblest, I can admit that every year, I quickly fall short of completing this resolution.  But I truly believe  this year, I may stand a fine chance- day four anyway and I’ve stuck with it. Lily makes everything different. Enhanced. Brighter, more endurable, exciting, special! Just last weekend we took Lily to the Picasso exhibit at the Seattle Art Museum. It was completely awesome. I truly think she was engaged as I talked her ear off about the famous paintings and sketches. I tried my very hardest to reveal only the facts, to not make anything up and not repeat things that I only *thought* were true. Here’s a quick story- I remember in 10^th grade, I told every single person I knew about the astonishing fact of Norah Jones being the daughter of Sammy Hagar. I knew so because my dad told me, only a couple years ago did I mention this fact in passing to someone, when they laughed out loud at me (and I confirmed via Wikipedia)- apparently she is the daughter of Ravi Shankar, not the haled “Red Rocker” from Van Halen- only a slight difference.  Anyway, I think Lily was more interested in the Baroque period than Picasso’s work as she completely lit up when we entered the room displaying “The Annunciation” by Giovanni Guidi. Since then, she is doing this new shrill thing and I’m pretty sure it was inspired by Guidi himself.  The museum was fun and I find myself wanting to bounce around everywhere and show her everything- making lists of must sees, talking of vacation spots she must visit, songs she must dance to when her legs permit and delicious foods she must try at least once. Since having Lily, I so desperately have been wanting to take her to Florida. Sure she is so tiny and certainly won’t remember the trip from this upcoming summer, but (and maybe partly for my sake), I want her to kick her little chubby feet in the warm waters of the Atlantic Ocean, as I once did, I want her to get (a little) salty sand in her mouth. I want all of us to stay in an old, cheesy beachfront hotel. …if there is one thing that I hope I can teach Lily, it is that life IS excellent, there is so much  goodness to experience, even if it is a week in an old, cheap, dirty beach hotel. I’ve never believed it more than I do now, after meeting Lily… it truly is “the gift of life.”

So to you Lily: Thank you, sweet baby for enriching my life, for teaching me to appreciate each day together. Thank you for making me laugh at least a few dozen times every day, literally. Forgive me if at times I lose my smile or act less than graceful.  As we enter into this New Year, I wait with great anticipation for all the first year milestones (first visit to the ocean, first tooth, first steps, first real food, completion of first trip around the sun, and so on), though I am also making a resolution to live each moment with you for what it is, the best thing ever! Above all the beautiful places to see, delicious foods to eat, beautiful music to hear, what I want most is for you to take the approach to life that Anna talks about. Life is about the journey, and my hope for you, little love is to approach this beautiful life with reckless abandon.    Thank you for the finest ending to 2010 and incredible start to 2011. Here’s to living life with you!