Life is so much better with Jake and Lily. I try to let it completely consume me. In a good way. I almost can’t remember what it was like without them. Yes, running errands can be more difficult now, it’s definitely a challenge when every step you take is dictated by a 4 month old. Everything just takes longer and just getting in and out of the car can feel monumental. But as I stood and waited in the infamous ‘returns’ line at the mall after Christmas, I told myself to never forget this moment. Lily needed her diaper changed, the spitup from this morning was now crusted to my sweatshirt, I was still chilled to the bone from taking a cold shower, I finally admitted that my adorable new Frye boots were digging into my ankle to the point of causing great pain, I was sneezing non stop from what I would later find out was a little cold… but with every sneeze I belted, Lily would look up at me and giggle so hard! Best awful-long-return line-after-Christmas experience ever.
An old gentleman walked up to Lily and I, I’m guessing he was a healthy 80 something year old. His pants were hiked up higher than Lily’s (and if you know anything about Lily’s pants from pictures, you’d know that we much prefer her with her pants hiked up as high as possible- freaking hilarious). The man was well dressed (rather he wore expensive name brands), his fancy slacks were quite short, showing off his Nautica socks and very white sneakers. His hair was perfectly combed over in the front but standing straight up in the back and his button down shirt, crisp. (I concluded later that his wife dresses him daily) He was a close talker and once he approached our space, said “This your first and last?” as he pointed at Lily. I laughed and told him I wanted plenty more just like her but jokingly pointed to Jake and told him my husband may have a different plan. The man laughed almost too hard and shook his head. “He don’t know it yet but he ain’t got no control over anything. He’ll learn. Trust me.” He walked past Jake, paused behind him (unbeknownst to my darling husband), shook his head again and continued on to take his place next to his wife as she pretended to care about his opinion on the napkin ring holders she was contemplating purchasing. He obliged her and I wondered if what he said was true.
Oh how I have fallen madly in love with the holidays- I loved driving in our new neighborhood and seeing the warmth fill the insides of homes on the street and I love the colored lights this year (must be the kid in me for Lily). It’s fun that cranberry is an accepted ingredient in almost every dish during the holidays and there are so many reasons for getting together with friends and family- the Christmas break gatherings, the Christmas Eve dinner, Christmas day dinner, day after Christmas leftovers, New Years Eve and New Years Day celebrations… an extra excuse for wrapping your arms around your husband, your family, your friends. An excuse for long distance texts and phone calls to old friends and oh, the many photo opts… My mom, sister and I have had many photo sessions over the years, I suppose it’s ‘an inside joke’ but the essence of these many pictures is extremely comical. I often think about how absolutely thrilled I am that Lily will grow up close to such fine and fun ladies.
This year I loved Christmas Carols more than ever and decided to play them every day starting after Thanksgiving. I sang them to Lily and finally, at 29 years old, learned the words to many Christmas songs I had been incorrectly singing for years. Did you know there are words like “offspring” “Veiled in flesh” and “Godhead” in the song, “Hark the Harold Angels Sing”? It’s a good thing I enjoy those carols so much because it will still be a Silent Night come summertime, I’m sure of it. I have learned that is the ONLY song these days that will calm Lily down if she’s sad and only song that puts her to sleep if those heavy eyes are stubborn. This was all good and fine in December, but I have always had a hard enough time seeing Christmas lights still up on neighbors houses in January (which by the way, now that I have a kid, am completely forgiving of), let alone singing carols in my house when it’s July. … needless to say, I am still in search of new lulling lullabies.
At the close of each year, I always try to read the famous speech by Anna Quindlen (http://iis.stat.wright.edu/munsup.seoh/usefulNotes/educationalNotes/annaQuindlen.htm) And every time after reading, I include in my list of New Years resolutions, to remember to live as Anna so eloquently encourages, to truly live. If you’ve not read the above excerpt, I encourage you to and if you have read it, read it again. Somehow she is able to articulate the approach to life that I get so hyped up about at the start of every year. …at my humblest, I can admit that every year, I quickly fall short of completing this resolution. But I truly believe this year, I may stand a fine chance- day four anyway and I’ve stuck with it. Lily makes everything different. Enhanced. Brighter, more endurable, exciting, special! Just last weekend we took Lily to the Picasso exhibit at the Seattle Art Museum. It was completely awesome. I truly think she was engaged as I talked her ear off about the famous paintings and sketches. I tried my very hardest to reveal only the facts, to not make anything up and not repeat things that I only *thought* were true. Here’s a quick story- I remember in 10th grade, I told every single person I knew about the astonishing fact of Norah Jones being the daughter of Sammy Hagar. I knew so because my dad told me, only a couple years ago did I mention this fact in passing to someone, when they laughed out loud at me (and I confirmed via Wikipedia)- apparently she is the daughter of Ravi Shankar, not the haled “Red Rocker” from Van Halen- only a slight difference. Anyway, I think Lily was more interested in the Baroque period than Picasso’s work as she completely lit up when we entered the room displaying “The Annunciation” by Giovanni Guidi. Since then, she is doing this new shrill thing and I’m pretty sure it was inspired by Guidi himself. The museum was fun and I find myself wanting to bounce around everywhere and show her everything- making lists of must sees, talking of vacation spots she must visit, songs she must dance to when her legs permit and delicious foods she must try at least once. Since having Lily, I so desperately have been wanting to take her to Florida. Sure she is so tiny and certainly won’t remember the trip from this upcoming summer, but (and maybe partly for my sake), I want her to kick her little chubby feet in the warm waters of the Atlantic Ocean, as I once did, I want her to get (a little) salty sand in her mouth. I want all of us to stay in an old, cheesy beachfront hotel. …if there is one thing that I hope I can teach Lily, it is that life IS excellent, there is so much goodness to experience, even if it is a week in an old, cheap, dirty beach hotel. I’ve never believed it more than I do now, after meeting Lily… it truly is “the gift of life.”
So to you Lily: Thank you, sweet baby for enriching my life, for teaching me to appreciate each day together. Thank you for making me laugh at least a few dozen times every day, literally. Forgive me if at times I lose my smile or act less than graceful. As we enter into this New Year, I wait with great anticipation for all the first year milestones (first visit to the ocean, first tooth, first steps, first real food, completion of first trip around the sun, and so on), though I am also making a resolution to live each moment with you for what it is, the best thing ever! Above all the beautiful places to see, delicious foods to eat, beautiful music to hear, what I want most is for you to take the approach to life that Anna talks about. Life is about the journey, and my hope for you, little love is to approach this beautiful life with reckless abandon. Thank you for the finest ending to 2010 and incredible start to 2011. Here’s to living life with you!
