Happy Six Months to my Lily!

Today my little pea turns six months. It feels like quite the milestone. It also feels like enormous changes have occurred since my last posting less than a month ago. It’s simply incredible how fast Lily is growing and I’m just amazed by life, particularly hers and I continue to fall even deeper in love.  My breath is literally taken away from me sometimes during those quiet moments and I just think ‘wow’ and ‘God, thank you’.  Yes, those quiet moments or “Lily time” as I like to call them have been wonderful. I remember taking a trip with my best friend to Jamaica one year and everyone talked about being on “Island Time, Mon”. Now that trip is a bit fuzzy, but it did make me think of the term “Lily Time”. Yes, it certainly has different connotations. And time doesn’t stop, no certainly not, not with all this fast growing up Lily has been busy doing… and time doesn’t slow down either, rather I do.

When it’s time for sleep, it’s time to stop what you’re doing, quiet down, sing soft songs, cuddle and continue to do all of the above until Lily is good and ready to close those precious eyes. When it’s time to eat, it’s time to stop, quiet down and give Lily her milk. Yes, we have been late, yes, we have missed dates. We have let dishes sit in the sink, we have been unable to answer phone calls, and we didn’t walk the many miles with the stroller to burn the many calories I had envisioned post partum.  And while I think at first it was hard, downright frustrating at times, I very quickly learned to embrace every moment of it and I thank God for grace because these moments have been plentiful and wonderful.

It’s a long story for next time but due to some swallow anomaly, I have been pumping all my breastmilk and giving it to Lily in a bottle with a slow nipple. Basically (with respect to the founding of “Lily Time” anyway) this meant that it would take Lily over an hour to finish just one 4 ounce bottle. There has been a lot of quiet time. She’s gotten better and our quiet times are now closer to 20 minutes/feed. But during these many moments, I have learned more about patience, done more thinking, more appreciating, more loving, more praying than I think I have ever done in my lifetime. “Lily Time” has slowed me down and been so good for me. I’m amazed at how much even I have grown over these past six months.

Very recently I suddenly felt a new sense of independence coming from Lily. She no longer needs me to get Sophie the Giraffe’s foot into her mouth, she simply does it herself. She entertains herself for long stretches now by finally being able to grab those chubby feet. If she’s bored of being on her back, she’ll roll to her tummy. If she wants her whoozit, she grabs it.  At night, she no longer needs those hour long cuddle sessions to fall asleep (though I  think I may still and sometimes it’s hard to fall asleep).  She sits up by herself now, laughs at inanimate objects and chews on her fingers or watches her toes to keep amused.  It’s so funny, I was just telling mom she is the busiest person I know. She is always working on something, from getting her foot into her mouth, to pounding on and around the button that makes the music play, she is at constant work, not a moments rest. Just like her daddy.

It was an emotional week for me. We finally moved her out of our bedroom and into her own room which we poured sweat, time, dough and a whole lot of thought into before her birth.  I have laughed out loud at myself already but I prop up the baby monitor so that it is only a couple inches away from my face when we go to bed. It is in direct view when I open my eyes in the middle of the night to check on her. It is also turned up as loud as possible and it’s actually pretty amazing that we are able to sleep with the light shining so bright and the noise of “Spa Lily” coming through loud on the monitor speakers. I’m sure slowly but surely I’ll inch it away, turn the video feature off, turn the speakers down, etc… Jake is patient with my transition.

I don’t know how we managed to do it, but we nailed Lily’s room- it is SO Lily. I think she really loves it, her eyes truly light up when we walk into it and the butterflies dangling from her ceiling make her laugh and kick and squeal with such delight. We did move our bedroom from downstairs to the upstairs  (just about 10 feet away from her nursery) but I think the culmination of things- her new abilities to (somewhat) function without me, the new sleeping arrangements, she just got her first tooth in, we just set up her highchair and she began eating from a spoon. I also boxed all of her teeny tiny onesies up into several boxes. We packed up her infant tub and also the little bassinet. The Boppie is gone and small 4 ounce bottles, pacifiers and swaddling blankets have all taken their spot in the basement storage. I think moving the bassinet to the basement though was when the tears came for me.

Of course she is going to grow up, I’ve known this!  And of course I look forward to experiencing that. Of course I want to raise a confident, independent, capable child.  But the thing is…. I LOVE who she is right now and can't help but wonder if I'll miss 'her'. I love the new games we play in the mirror, the songs I sing that make her go bonkers, the way she gets so out of her mind excited when I simply say “UP!” and put her over my head. I love that she eats her toes. I love that as we lay on our backs next to each other each night before bed and read books, she sticks her nose into my cheek every few pages and thinks it’s so funny. I love the noises she makes right now, they were so great before but they are so great now and I want to hear them for the rest of my life. I love that she loves getting backscratches from me (it’s incredibly funny to watch her little body lean into the scratch) I love that when she’s in someone else’s arms, she finds me in the room and grins real big. I love that we just go everywhere together. I love how she plays with my fingers  when we’re just sitting on the couch and how she cups my chin with her tiny hand when she’s drinking her milk. I love that all I have to do is give her a smile and it’s guaranteed that I get one back. I love that when she sees/hears/experiences something new, she always looks to me first to make sure I give the approving smile and nod before she too approves.  Something tells me this won’t carry on into teen years.

It really does seem like just yesterday she was unable to hold her head up. Her lips were so teeny tiny and her eyes bright but timid. I knew she was growing fast though, like right before my eyes, especially in those early weeks. I recall  for whatever reason, when she was eating (which as all moms know is A LOT at first), I would just stare at the side of her face and notice her ear. I watched that ear grow so fast over the first few weeks.

And during those initial weeks of her life, it was difficult for me to dress her because I just kept envisioning that soft, supple, beautiful skin so recently submerged in a dark, warm cozy place. I always felt bad dressing her, like even the very soft, organic, washed-with-no-perfume-or-dyes-detergent onesie I would dress her in was rough on that soft skin of hers. I never told Jake, but there were several outfits I actually cut off of her body in those early days because I couldn’t bare the thought of pulling it over her head again.

I don’t know, ‘they’ tell me that I won’t be this neurotic on the next go round- but something tells me I will still miss my baby whenever it’s time for her to move to her own room, be a little sad to pack up those tiny onesies, look forlornly at the bassinet when it’s time for it to take another stand in the basement.  Yes, I hope to experience all the incredibly amazing, emotional overwhelming highs of being a parent to new life again. I also hope to live in “Lily Time” indefinitely, it’s a good place for me. A good friend of mine welcomed me to “the motherhood club” after Lily was born. I now realize what an honor it is to be here. Tonight I am going to sit next to my husband, hold his hand and lovingly watch my monitor.  Lily, you continue to amaze me. I loved who you were from day one, I love you more than words can express now and know it’s only going to get better. You make my world a better place. Happy six months, sweetie pea!!

Here's a silly little song I wrote for Lily about a month after she was born...

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=e997w_u9x9s

You are so pretty, my little Lily
Your hands are starting to grow
Your eyes now know me, smiles do show me that you're a happy little pea

These are the days, the heavens I praise
for giving you to me
The dishes can sit, fashion I quit,
it's time for my baby

You are so perfect, the late nights so worth it
You keep on teaching me
to smile for no reason, giggle at the rain season,
You are so good for me