A tribute to my time in Seattle~

I gave away my first goodbye hug on Wednesday. I snuggled and cried, snuggled and cried with Maddy in bed since Thursday. And today when I got home from my brother's house, I realized I had just spent the afternoon with my family in Seattle for the last time before our big move to Denver. (more snuggling, crying, snuggling, crying)

Maddy is going to live out the rest of her days in sunny, warm Florida. It was one of the biggest, most difficult decisions of my life but I had to let her go to another family. She had started to nip at Lily. I am so quick to defend this behavior because it truly is not her fault. She was center of attention center of the bed for 8 years prior to my getting married and took a definite backseat once Lily arrived. In the last year and a half, there have been numerous times, mostly during chaotic, stressful moments- Lily throwing a tantrum on the floor, me throwing up in the bathroom with morning sickness, me trying desperately to calm a newborn at 3am, my looking just totally nuts most days because there's no time for anything better, that I've caught Maddy looking at me, giving me this look, an unforgetable look. It's the look of "are you kidding me??" To Maddy, I often thought she must think I'm totally out of my head to have given up all we had together for what my life had seemingly become and what had replaced her... she'd give me a look, I swear she would roll her eyes and then just walk away from me shaking her head. It actually made me laugh on several occassions. But, I have to say our last night together, through all the snuggling and all the tears, we had a long conversation. I truly believe she understood me and we shared a long moment, moments like we had shared together over those 8 years prior.

I may have been born in Florida. I may have spent countless hours in its warm ocean and lake waters. I certainly grew up and into my teenage years with kindred spirits as friends and spent some of my most fun years at the University of Florida. And those all comprise my dearest memories and some of my best stories. But Seattle is home. This is where my family bonded together in ways that will never be forgotten. This is where I fell so deeply in love and married my husband. This is where we bought our first house and where we created a home and life, our life. This is where our precious daughter was born. Here is where, in some ways, my life began.

As our house started to come unraveled and we packed yet another box, Jake asked me what I love most about our home. I've sat here, on my bed for several moments, looking out the glass french doors and into the moonlit patio that we shared summer dinners at together before we became parents. That is definitely something I love but there are so many other things. There are the memories of this home that I'll always cherish- bath time upstairs in Lily's bathroom, the moment I found out I was pregnant with our second, bounding out of the bathroom to tell Lily the news, Jake's reaction to the news after he read the 'Big Sister' shirt Lily wore that evening when he came home from work. The memories of quiet nights together, memories of sleepless newborn nights, a kitchen that boasts the best breakfast environment and the elegantly lit dining room that hosted so many of Jake's unforgetable toasts to us. I love the spot on the floor in the dining room that leads out to the wrap around porch where I saw Lily stand for the first time and I love the way she clumsily walked for more than a step for the first time from the kitchen and into the dining room. I love the way the sunlight would every now and then grace us during breakfast, streaming in from the dining room picture windows and into our morning eyes. I love that Emily and Zac were married here. I love that dad painted our daughters' rooms just as he painted mine as a child, so much more than paint was poured into those walls. I love that Lily and I had spent so much time all over the yard last summer together- splashing in the pool of water, in the hose and standing on top of the big rocks out front, our hands held high above our heads as we proudly proclaimed whatever it is that was on our minds. I love the porch swing, the evenings together with Jake and a glass of wine, the many many hours Lily and I spent on it together from when she was tiny and even yesterday. Olivia, Elliott and I would sit out there too and talk and talk. I love that one evening when Jake and I danced slowly in the dining room together shortly after we bought the house, I was very large and pregnant but somehow he made me feel graceful. I loved spending the holidays here, Christmas Eve party, Thanksgiving 2011, a 4th of July party with friends from Florida. I loved the way the house looked when we brought Lily home from the hospital. My mom and sisters had decorated the house with the happiest flowers I've ever seen in my life. Oh and it looks spectacular in Christmas lights.

Every corner of this home reminds me of just how lucky I am, and not because of the beautiful designer finishes of the house, the cool hand laquered walls and unique vintage accents, don't get me wrong, those have been lovely to look at these past years but because of the amazing memories we've created here together as a couple, as a family, as people who love each other.

As I teared up after the movers packed the last box today, Jake told me that the house stays here but the memories are ours forever. I know he's right.

While this departure has been far more emotional and difficult than I had anticipated, let me close with this. We're not leaving family, friends, our home. Rather maybe we're entering a new adventure together, embarking on new territory and opportunity. We're not quitting offices and playgroups, we're starting something new. It is heartbreaking to leave family but as Joy told me yesterday, it's only because we love eachother so much and that will never change. So let me attempt to do what mom has always tried to teach me. "Always live your life being thankful. If you do that, it will be a happy life." So to mom and all my amazing family members and wonderful friends, I'm so very very thankful. I'm thankful to you for being in my life, truly present, for loving me and my growing family, for laughter together, random moments shared, for playdates but also adult time, for dinners and lunches and random pop ins, there's so much more. I lived in Seattle for 5.5 years but I have a lifetime of memories and for all of that, I am thankful.

A Merry Christmas Wish to Our Friends and Family and a Recap of 2011~

This season, I sit in the soft light of our Christmas tree, in the warmth of the fireplace, Maddy on my toes, Jake by my side, my little Lily sound asleep in her bed and soft kicks to my belly. I feel overwhelming grateful. I'm grateful to the One who has blessed our lives and I'm grateful to each one of you who have truly touched my life this year. Whether it was a playdate, lunch outing, long distance phone call, skype chat, written exchange, or even a tender childhood memory, my life and all this year's experiences have been enriched because of you. Thank you.

I'm realizing the first couple years of life are so precious for many reasons, one of which, it's the moment in life for 'first times' everything. It's too bad we don't experience those moments as adults because this year when I saw Lily's eyes light up at the sight of airplanes at the airport, waves on the ocean, the way she began to recognize people, how she looks at me when I get her from her nap and how she beams at her daddy when he comes home from work, I thought to myself 'wow, I wish she could feel that amount of excitement and happiness always" at the sight of these things. Maybe she will. It was a year of firsts for me too. Being a new mom has changed everything; my daily doings, my outlook on so many things, most of me. Things I never thought I could give up but have found myself leaping at the opportunity to do so if it means I'd get one more smile, one more giggle, one more minute with Lily, one more memory as a family. Silly things also- I don't think I've ever said the words "table scape" before in my life until this year. But this year I started planning our Thanksgiving table scape in August. What was this sudden obsession with holiday decor and scents and foods? I found myself wanting to make every holiday as special and memorable as possible. I love holidays. I love that Halloween of all holidays brings you together more so with your community than any other day of the year. People you never met, people you rarely see, walking up to your home as a family, exchanging small but genuine conversation. It's the one holiday that gets us out of our homes and makes us talk to our neighbors (which in the PNW can be especially challenging considering the rainy weather). I love the traditional cheesy round robin at the Thanksgiving dinner table, everyone mentioning something they are thankful for. I put real thought into it this year and was taken back when I found that there was just so much to list. And now, as Christmas is upon us, the faces of people we love so dearly adorn our mantel. Tiny faces that were just born this year or the few previous years are just as beautiful as are their proud parents' faces beaming next to them. I may just leave these Christmas cards up year round.

It's been a busy year. Jake will give me a talking to for this mini excerpt but as his biggest enthusiast, I feel compelled. He's worked so diligently this year and I'm proud of him. Microsoft awarded him several trips, one of which landed us in Maui and ironically back at the very same beach and hotel we spent our honeymoon at 2 years prior. Of course being there now with a toddler and me having been 2 months into the throws of morning (rather all day) sickness made the trip a wee bit different than the experience we had previously but it was Maui and we were together and it was a wonderful first family vacation. Lily and Jake spent hours in the kiddie pool as I sat at the edge of my seat trying to keep my mouth shut but eyes open as she was tossed into the air and dunked in the water. Those two have reached new highs of being great together and it was a wonderful experience to sit in the background and watch. So Jake has been a stellar Microsoft employee this year but I know his favorite job is just being 'Daa'. What a cool thing to watch Jake's and Lily's relationship fully explode this year.

Microsoft also invited us out to Denver for an award for Jake and we were able to meet one of my oldest dearest friends' newborn. Between the Denver trip and a Florida trip, we were finally able to introduce Lily to my oldest and dearest friends. On the rare occasions I see these friends' faces, I see myself as a child. I see us as young kids so far from being grown up. So to be able to introduce them to Lily, it was really awesome... somehow making my 'new' life that much more 'real' if that makes any sense. To be able to prop up Lily and one of my oldest dearest friend's baby girl next to each other to snap a photo... it brought tears to my eyes. My best friend and I cried when she finally got to meet Lily while other good friends teased (and rightly so) they didn't think it was possible for me to be any more sentimental but motherhood has made all this sap possible.

While in Florida, we visited Jake's family and some sunshine which was lovely. Lily was overjoyed by ceiling fans, ocean waves, Katy (and herbed) and of course her grandparents who loved on her every moment they had. We made a trip to Tennessee a few months ago for Luke & Christina's wedding (Jake's brother and lovely sister in-law) It was really nice to be able to introduce Lily to more welcoming family and witness a new marriage.


Lily has been busy all on her own this year too. Anyone who is a parent understands the explosion of growth that happens in the first year of life. Some highlights -her first food was kiwi fruit, her first word (besides mom and dad) was tickle. She stood on her own for the first time at her 1st birthday party (a business card clinched between her teeth) and when she began walking soon after, she had to be holding something (preferably a leaf) in her hands or in her mouth. Now she is trying to say a lot more, she'll attempt to say the first syllable of almost anything you ask her to. You can get her to do just about anything as long as the request follows the words and tune of the song, "If you're happy and you know it"... give mom a kiss, spin in circles, laugh out loud. She loves her extended family very much. She gets to see her cousins every weekend, "Ooohhhh" and "Ellllllll" and her "Basch" (Bachan) and "Eeemy" (Emily) every week for lunch. We get to skype with Jake's parents and Katy often as well and she gets to sing songs with them. She has a special bond with "Kake" (Katy) and carries her photo with her throughout the day. Her favorite song is Old MacDonald. She does the "ee i ee i oh" and animal sounds parts. Her first sentence has been "I want that", we are working very hard to sneak in a 'please', but so far, have been unsuccessful.

I had a surprise visitor for my 30th birthday. I was told to pick up a mystery guest from the airport on x date at x time. I couldn't believe my eyes when I saw her, what a memory, flying all the way from New Zealand to celebrate another year of friendship together and meet my Lily. Growing up is so interesting, I guess I am just realizing now that it never stops. When I was a kid, I remember thinking I had to do so much growing up to finally turn 10, to finally start high school, to finally turn into an adult. I guess I always thought it just stopped there, maybe once I hit my mid 20's or something. Nope, I feel in some ways I've done the most growing up in this past year.

Being Lily's mom, being Jake's wife of two years now, expecting our second daughter and Lily's sister, I am so thankful to be 'here' tonight. So as you all celebrate your Christmas, in the light of your tree, in the warmth of your family and friends, we bid you a very Merry Christmas and a wonderful New Year ahead!

My busy bee

It's been three months since my last entry and a ton has happened since then. Looking back on the first few weeks of her tiny life, Lily has grown in more ways than I ever imagined at 16 months old. (not claiming she's a prodigy child, just admitting to my continued amazement of life). All the learning and playing and growing that's occurred is almost mind boggling and very very dear to my heart. In addition to Lily's busy days, we learned she will also be mastering the art and hopefully relishing the gift of being big sister. I'm 17 weeks pregnant and while the news was a bit surprising to us, we are now beyond excited and life is feeling pretty close to perfect.

Lily has become quite the traveler in the company of mom dad and Blue. We took her to Maui with us last month and I was astonished at how well the flights went considering I was vomiting from morning sickness at every opportunity I had and Lily usually cannot sit still for more than a millisecond. But we took some advice from sister Joy and brought a DVD player with us along with Blue's Clues, Baby Einsteins and Toy Story 3. Unfortunately or fortunately rather, Lily has learned to somewhat embrace a good hour long of 'shows'/day. (somehow calling it 'her shows' is easier to say than TV). My rules on the TV quickly went out the window when 24/7 nausea set in three months back. Turns out, this worked in our favor during the flight and Lily happily watched her friend Blue, and Safari Animals from Baby Einsteins all the way to Maui. My rules on chocolate chip cookies also went directly out the window when we were offered one on the airplane and Lily asked for it. I learned after my "trying to take her yogurt snacks away because she had too many" experience, that giving her whatever she desired was the right way to go on the airplane. She took her first bite of chocolate chip cookie 30,000 feet from ground and I'll never forget the look she so seriously gave the flight attendant after she took that first bite. She looked at him as though she wanted to burn his face into her memory, to never ever forget the face of the man who gave her this decadent treat. And then it was back to Blues Clues. Several months back she began to embrace sign language and Blue's Clues is definitely in her 'vocabulary.'

In addition, she has signs for sleepy, food, thank you, please, bird, airplane, milk, potty and water. She's also invented some of her own signs. Every day we go through her body parts, "Lily, where's your head, your eyes, toes, ears, cheeks, knees," etc. (we've recently added 'bottom' to the routine and it is hilarious to watch her reach around her backside to pat her bum) Jake likes to ask her about the less commonly 'taught to a toddler' body parts such as the 'shin' and 'thigh'.. it's hilarious that she's learnred those. The other day I asked her where Mommy's hug was (and this is her cutest thing to date), instead of reaching her arms out to offer a hug, she instead showed me what happens to her body when Mommy hugs her (or what appears to squish her). Her face wrinkled up and her head jammed itself to one side. She tightly tucked her elbows into her sides but lifted up her hands if trying to set them free. And then she just looked at me. Next time I hugged her, I noticed that in fact, this does happen to her little body. But she still lets me do it and it's still one of my favorite things to do in the world, so it shall go on.

She's started to attempt to say a few words as well. "Fsh" for fish, "Appa" for Apple, "Boops" for poop, "Psh" for push, "Buuu" for ball, "Baush" for Bachan and "BaBa" for Butterfly. She actually gets quite serious about butterflies. It's all fun, games and laughter during story time until she sees a butterfly and then she becomes so serious and looks at me and adamantly points, "baba, baba, BABA!" until I say, 'yes, you see a butterfly." Instead of saying words for animals she sees, she just gives the animal sound when she sees a cow, monkey, dog, cat or bumble bee. And darn it, like most things she does, it's super cute but I know eventually, that will change and she'll learn to talk like the rest of us big heads. I've said it before but I just love this Lily and I'll miss her.

One of the more touching things she started to do was become fascinated with my playing her songs on the guitar. I've done this since she was the tiniest and just now she has started to become interested. In fact it's a little challenging sometimes because there have been definite days where she will not let me get off the guitar. We sit on the floor together, her nose pressed against my 'space' and watches intently. Of course never have I had such a captivated audience so it was pretty cool the first few times she did it. Sometimes she'll get up and walk around the room, picking things up, putting them in different places, patting her belly and humming the whole time to the music. And then sometimes, she'll stop. She'll become incredibly entrenched with the curtain for example, studying the weave, holding it up to the light, making sure it smells just like it did yesterday and so I'll think I can put down the guitar and stretch my legs but as soon as I stop, "Eeehr!", she points at the guitar, demanding I pick it up.

Yep, so I'm also at that point where I'm trying to determine when to say no, when to give her what she wants, when it's okay to say no and be firm... She's so stinking lucky and of course I won't tell her this, but my whole day evolves around her. I absolutely adore my days and to be honest would be happy to give her whatever she wants, play 'til my fingers bleed but I know part of parenting is also setting limits, boundaries, rules. (for my sake and hers) I am totally in the learning phase of that right now. It's freaking comical really. You should have seen me attempt to put my parenting skills to the test at the outdoor play area of the Uvillage Mall on a sunny Friday afternoon. Holy cow, she lost it. First tantrum I've witnessed by my precious little Lily. I mean it was nuts. And there were a lot, I mean thousands of people staring at us. She threw herself on the ground, screaming, would not let me touch her, kicking... I mean textbook stuff. I wanted to run away, put her in my shopping bag (which was filled with stuff for HER, mind you) and run to the car. ...yep, I'm learning but at a much slower pace than her from what I can tell.

It really is crazy how quickly they pick up on things at this age. If asked where "Lily's baby" is, she points to my belly. So cute. Though the other day, she was pointing to daddy's belly too so poor kid is definitely confused. In the last couple days, I'm not sure why but she's become so touchy and loving. She does her usual running around the house, carrying as many toys, kitchen gadgets and random pieces of paper as she can in two little arms but lately, she'll stop literally every few minutes and come over to me and clutch my legs so hard as if giving me a hug. But as soon as I reach for her, she is off again... only to return a few moments later for another squeeze. Oh, she also calls me 'Mom' now. Not momma like she used to always do but just Mom. Not sure why but I think it's so cute.

I have grown to adore Halloween. I know Lily enjoyed dressing up and seeing Jake and I dressed up but it's not just that. It's the one holiday that truly brings people together. People that you don't normally spend time with that is... mostly because you never met them. This Halloween, people from all over our (large) neighborhood came by with their kids for trick r' treating and we chatted briefly but genuinely and it was really so nice. I met a really nice neighbor the other day. In fact they came over on Halloween evening for a little bit with their 9 monht old. She said something to me that I completely agree with and it was refreshing. She said, "You know, they always tell you about how difficult it will be having a newborn and then toddler while you're pregnant but they never ever tell you how much fun it would be." She was so right and I recalled all the birthing classes and family prep classes I took and Jake and I both took together and most of what they discussed was labor pains, post partum depression and how you'll need to fight tooth and nail to keep your marriage intact, not to mention you'll get zero sleep, your body will look like hell and you'll lose your social life. You know, a lot of that may be dead right but these are absolutely the best days of my life!

Then again, maybe I wouldn't have believed 'them' if they had told me that I would get such immense joy out of things like the way Lily backs up into a sitting position on my lap for story time, the way she blows on her hot beans, the way she wants to mimic everything I do, the way her body immediately starts dancing as soon as she hears music, how she spins in circles until she gets dizzy and falls down, how she thinks looking through the lacy curtains is hilarious and how a sheet thrown up in the air and over her head is the best thing in the world.

I've said it every time and I'll say it again. Thank you Lily for enriching every day and every aspect of my life. I love you, Pea!

My Lily Turns One !

Another year passes but none have come close to this…

We celebrated Lily’s birthday on Saturday, her actual birth date. I had stayed up the previous nights working on decorations and Jake even helped the night before. We hung up pretty paper flag banners, dangled butterflies in the windows, streamers from one end of the room to the other, picked up balloons, set out the pink butterfly nets mom had picked up, placed the windmills and the flower pots all about. Lily has always loved butterflies and balloons, really anything that hangs, flies or dances in the wind and by golly, we were going to set the mood for her! We brought her downstairs that morning feeling more excited than I can ever remember.  Jake headed down first with a video camera and soon we followed down the stairs and into the dining room (the best location to absorb all the goodness). Beautifully wrapped presents were on the floor sent by friends and family from afar and she “ooooo’d” and pointed at everything specifically, giving each decoration, each tissue paper, each flower it’s deserved admiration. She was enthralled.

Later that afternoon friends graced us with their celebratory smiles and generous gifts for Pea. Jake and I were actually a bit taken back by the outpouring of generosity and genuine love. I’m convinced Lily knew it was her day. She was in great spirits, full of smiles and giggles (especially for her cousins). Near the end of the party, she was walking with Joy and suddenly decided to stand up on her own for a solid 30 seconds. We captured the feat on camera, the little birthday card clinched between her teeth as if it were the only thing balancing the act.  She just stared at everyone and no one moved a muscle until she fell gracefully to her knees and continued on.

I made her a separate (super big) cupcake to do with what she pleased. Expecting her to dive right into it, we video taped but she definitely ended up showing far more interest in the corn on the cob she had later that evening and certainly more enthusiasm for the asparagus she ate for the first time the next day. On her birthday though, she was in the best mood and even stayed up two hours past her bedtime to visit a little longer with Aunt Emmy and Uncle Zac. It was a great day.

Tonight I folded up her freshly cleaned, new birthday clothing and suddenly realized after the third shirt that something was very different. I was folding her clothes like I fold mine… her little clothes have gotten bigger and no longer need to be tucked into those rare folds. Auntie Judy got Lily some cute new bibs and I also suddenly realized that all her current bibs were WAY too small, embarrassingly too small. Her new bibs, which fit her size perfectly are like literally probably 10 times the size of the one she had worn at breakfast that morning.

I guess this past month has been an awakening. It started off when I first laid eyes on and then held sweet little Lucas DelleVechia. He was so handsome and precious but so tiny too, only 5 weeks old. It made me realize how big Lily has managed to grow. Jake was helping me fold up the laundry tonight and as he pulled out Lily’s berry stained, cupcake dress from the previous day, he asked, “Do you want to frame this?” (he was being serious) So it was confirmed, he had a great time celebrating her birthday too, a day that we’d both love to remember as often as possible. Yes, perhaps I will frame that dress.  

Not only has she grown bigger in size but her personality has blossomed! She has learned so much in the past month, it blows my mind. When I visited Danielle and Faith in Denver a few weeks ago, we were at lunch talking about how cute and tiny little baby Faith’s feet and toes were…. I looked over at Lily and saw her staring at me with her foot held so high in the air, I was surprised she hadn’t slipped out of the chair. Hilarious.  She’s quite aware of herself and her surroundings these days. Her favorite things to point at are the enormous Cotton Wood tree in our yard, ducks and dogs (she always chimes in “Dah” when she sees a dog), random strangers who interest her (for reasons only she understands) the butterflies in her room and lights/fans on the ceiling.  She points with her pointer finger out and her thumb pointing up to the sky, looking like she’s giving ‘stick em’ ups’ to every one and thing that interests her.  

She now knows how to communicate and show us that she understands. When asked to, she will pat her head, her nose, and her belly. She will lift her foot up if you ask her where her feet are, kick them upon request. She dances, claps and closes her eyes if asked to. She points out her stuffed animals’ and baby’s eyes, nose, mouth and loves kissing all of them on the mouth. She blows kisses to people she likes (this includes her family and even those random strangers who interest her… pretty funny how certain people will really strike her just right and she starts violently blowing kisses in their direction). Sometimes she’ll even give me a real smacker, and it always makes me giddy. Jake’s first day back at work was this morning, he had taken a month off with us previously, his delayed paternity leave from work. She gave him his first on-the-lips-kiss today before he left for the office and it was pretty sweet. I can’t imagine how hard it was to leave her. He’s a soldier.  

The only hand sign she does on a regular basis is “all done”, that is until today when I decided to start exercising again after taking a few weeks off. She sat on my belly while I did crunches and suddenly she realized how to sign “MORE”. I was thrilled! But over and over she would sign more and every time I had no choice but to continue crunching. I am SO sore.

The other morning I was preparing Lily’s breakfast and she kept wandering off. I found myself saying things like, “Lily, come see momma. Lily, don’t you want some food? Lily, blueberries.”  Once Maddy came galloping into the kitchen instead of Lily, I realized I always got Maddy to come to me by bribing her with similar coaxing. Later that day I heard myself say, “Lily, wanna go outside? Want to go for a walk?” When Maddy came running again, I realized this is how I used to call for her. I felt bad for the poor pup and then immediately questioned my parenting tactics. Thankfully though, I think my Lily is gaining a sense of humor.

Lily likes sticking her feet  in my face when I’m dressing her or changing her diaper. She tries her hardest to get her toes into my nostrils because one time she actually managed to do this and I threw my head back and told her she had stinky toes! She thought that was hilarious and still dies laughing every time I tell her that her feet stink. When we’re eating together and I remind her to slow down and chew her food, she will tease me and chew the most exaggerated chew you’ve ever seen and then snicker through her nose. She’s also becoming snuggly. Sometimes she’ll look at me from across the room and make eye contact, then crawl as fast as she can over to my lap and bury her head in my chest. Melts my heart. She’s continued to give the best pats on the back and now we even get hugs. She is such a darling.

In some ways it’s hard to believe a year has already passed but in more ways, it’s incredibly hard to comprehend how all of the colossal love I’ve experienced, laughter I’ve unleashed, immense joy I’ve felt has all occurred in only one short year…. I feel as though it’s already been a lifetime of emotion and I thank God I have had the opportunity to experience all this richness in just one year. I feel blessed. I feel happy. I feel excited for every year to come.

To my sweet Pea~ You have come into my life and brightened my world. The very thought of you brings such love, laughter, delight and joy to my soul and goose bumps to my entire body. Two days ago I celebrated the best moment of my life and today and forever, I will cherish all that you have already given to me. My wish for you is to stay as curious and playful as you are today. When you see something you like, continue to passionately pursue it… just work on the patience thing a bit. Be kind and generous to those you love and those you do not know. As you do today, always giggle at least once every hour and don’t forget how to belly laugh too. Continue to pause and notice how the leaves dance on the trees and how butterflies float on the wind. Chuckle at the way the cool breeze blows through your bits of hair and continue to point out and talk about all the things that make you smile, and in whatever language you see fit. I loved you so deeply from the moment I met you and I feel so lucky to be in your presence today. You amaze me.  I thank God that I am able to so closely watch this beautiful Lily blossom.

There's no time for anything but fun

We're on our first family vacation in Florida. We'll start in Vero Beach with Jake's family, head to Sarasota to visit Dana, then to Melrose to visit the Grogan's, Digi's and then off to Denver to see the Rockies and visit Danielle and meet Faith. Lily is full of knowledge and tricks; dancing, clapping, blowing kisses and waving on command. She'll also experience her first swim in the ocean.... there's not much time for writing, only playing... here's to family vacation numero uno!!!

A Pat on the Back for Everyone

We have arrived at the double digits, Lily is 10 months! I remember turning 10 years old and being able to finally use all my fingers on both hands to display my age when asked and that felt awesome, so this month is a special one for sure. Nope, Lily is no longer my sweet little lap baby, she is fully on the move and has zero time for sitting still (I may have said this last month and I definitely believed it, but movement has taken on a new meaning this month).  The few times I am actually able to sit still and reflect, it truly blows my mind how fast she has grown and developed. I continue to be amazed by life.

This month has been incredible and FUN. I, however, am probably more tired now than even in those early days when we first brought Lily home from the hospital. It’s probably the combination of her needing to constantly move, me needing to let her explore but trailing right behind her and trying my hardest to even let her fall sometimes, in addition to her new (not) sleeping pattern for the past month. She wants to look, touch, lick, talk to, jump on, crawl up, tap with her hands, kick with her feet, everything within her sight (which according to the books, and my Optometrist, she has better vision than I). Basically that means she wants to get into everything.  It’s incredible to watch but also difficult at times to determine what should be ‘out of bounds’ without hampering any development. It’s funny though. By the time I get her to bed around 6:30pm every day, I am exhausted, yet often find myself looking at all of her pictures on the computer until I get too tired and need sleep myself. When she first started sleeping through the night, I remember Jake and I used to stare at her monitor and want to wake her up so badly to play.

 
This is such a sweet thing. Lily has started to pat my back when she gets tired, when she gets hurt or sometimes just when she wants to be held and cuddled.  Of course since she was brand new, we’ve always had moments of holding her close, talking softly to her and lovingly patting her back. Now she returns the gesture, a pat on my back and soft ‘baa baa baa’s or maa maa maa’s, and it just melts me.  

She has started displaying affection in other ways as well. Despite my many attempts to teach her the tenderness of a loving, gentle kiss, she’s convinced the way to do it is to bite… though she does mean it in the most loving way (at least that’s what her mum is convincing herself of).  It’s funny how she treats different stuffed animals. With Doctor Dancer, she shakes him up and down, up and down repeatedly. Then with her fingers she pokes very specific parts of his face. With Dragon, she gives him enormous hugs. He is very soft and fluffy and she hugs his neck tight and gently wiggles back and forth, clutching him. And with Baby, (she loves her baby) Lily holds Baby by the hands and bites her cheeks, forehead and mouth.

 
She obviously has learned who is who by now and routinely treats them all as she sees fit. In the mornings I lay down her polka dotted quilt. She loves seeing it up in the air, only to come down slowly and softly onto the ground (and I love doing this, as it reminds me of my childhood and being tucked into bed with the sheet soaring above my body and then being gently pulled down from my face. In the mornings, I open the pages to all the day’s books so that they stand up and she can see the cover from her crawl position. Then all of her stuffed animals line up against the couch. First I start out by my asking her, “where is Dragon, where is Doctor Dancer, where is Baby,” and so on, pausing each time in between friends so that she can provide the appropriate affection. Whenever it’s Baby’s turn, her eyes light up and she gets the “quite pleased” look on her smiley pursed lips. (then she licks them and prepares for Baby’s ‘kiss’)
 
I ate probably 4 ounces of mashed broccoli & peas and probably about 2 ounces of brown rice cereal with banana yesterday, Lily’s lunch.  With all the crawling, standing up, bouncing, talking, pulling, pushing, biting, hugging, falling down to do in one day, there’s hardly time to eat food… or so apparently Lily believes.  Some days it’s nearly impossible to get her to eat her meals and sometimes the only way to get her excited enough to actually indulge is to see her ole Momma eat as well. And no, Momma eating her yummy bagel with cream cheese and capers and tomatoes and onion won’t do, Momma must eat mashed something off Lily’s spoon. But heck, of all the things I’ve been more than willing and happy to do for that kid, I believe eating Lily mush is completely doable. Thankfully we are getting better at giving her a taste of whatever we’re eating. I learned a few weeks back that she loves Salmon in beurre blanc sauce, along with roasted broccoli.
 
Lily has learned a few more new tricks. She can now wiggle her own toes (sort of) and the few times she’s actually nailed that effort, she was floored! She shakes her head no if she doesn’t want something (And yes, she still thinks momma saying, ‘no’ is funny. Initially it was hilarious and adorable but I suppose we may need to address this at some point. Damn.). She knows to turn around on the couch and go feet first to land on the ground. She’s tried a few times to let go of the couch or my hands and stand on her own, only to fall a few milliseconds after. She definitely has an opinion of her own and picks which books she wants read by patting them when given a selection (Hand Hand Fingers Thumb has by far been her favorite). She has a HUGE newfound love for balloons and balls. Bachan just got her a dinosaur walking toy and watching her walk with it for the past few days has been one of the most fun things I’ve experienced since becoming mum. She is usually always in my arms or at my feet or within inches from me, so when I see her walking on her own, using her push toy 10 feet away from me, I see a little girl beginning to grow up. I took a zillion pictures of this feat today and as I viewed them (of course immediately after she went down for the night, it brought tears to my eyes) She’s growing up and I am proud of her little self.
 
There’s so much that’s changed over the past 10 months and when we finally do get a little quiet time to sit and reflect, our minds are blown. Jake shared with me a few nights back before we closed our eyes to sleep that we’re lucky to be alive to experience all of this. I agree and we are lucky to have given life. Lily teaches us every day to stop, reflect, “smell the roses” or rather giggle at the sun shining through the maple leaves, ritually shout out to the neighbor’s dark purple tulips as we check the mail every day. Pink flowers seem to be her favorite and she’s not shy about it either. On our daily walks, we pass a house with gigantic pink Rhododendronsin the yard and she makes all these excited, gaspy noises and then giggles. She’s intrigued by the evergreens right now, the tips of the branches are bright green with new growth. The wind solemns her and the sound of chirping birds makes her curious. She wants to see, smell, touch everything that is beautiful. I hope she has this much zest for life always. And even some things that aren’t so beautiful, a couple of twigs on the ground, a pile of dirt, some ants carrying a dead ant away, she appreciates. I hope she does this always.

Here’s to another month with you, sweet love. Your hugs and pats and giggles and smiles please me beyond word. I love you, happy 10 months, Pea!

"Empress of the Rain"

Someone told me the other day that my baby is now a toddler. Time has flown by and Lily doesn’t seem to be slowing down. She is finally mobile …commando style, that is. (Jake promises that he hasn’t been playing Call of Duty in front of her) She gets a good grip on the floor with her hands, pulls, and then quickly drags her legs and feet behind her. It’s actually quite efficient and of course I think it’s adorable. Her main inspiration for this feat is our poor little neglected old timer, Maddy. “Maaa!” Lily exclaims whenever Maddy enters the room and her hands take off toward Maddy, arms, body, legs racing after. Maddy has been starved for attention for the past 9 months but has recently resurfaced in the Braly home as a star. And as of April 23, when Lily finally figured out how to move, Maddy has been her main objective. Maddy, who previously was at our beckon call or even glance, has however, been in hiding for the past week. Maddy likes Lily but not nearly as much as Lily loves Maddy, and I laughed so hard yesterday when Lily and I called for Maddy and Maddy ran directly into the other room and hid from us under her blanket. Lily looked up at me so puzzled. I didn’t have the heart to tell her that Maddy does not feel the same way about her.

A lot has happened this past month: “crawling”, pulling herself up and walking along the couch and 4 new top teeth. Lily also had her first big cold, she traveled out of the country, she had her first taste of meat and her mum turned 30.

It’s been an absolutely wonderful month! But even that being said, I can still admit that I had the worst bout of helplessness. It was so hard to see Lily sick, she had a fever of 103 and an ear infection but the worst part was her stuffed up nose. If only she knew how to “blow”! I would try to tickle her nose so she could sneeze, which actually worked somewhat because without that, she couldn’t breathe or drink her milk.  J and I got zero sleep for about 72 hours. (it’s amazing how quickly we forgot how challenging it can be to care for a non sleeping baby) And then, I got sick to which I was very disappointed and shocked. I thought moms were immune to their child’s illnesses! On top of her sickness, we learned that four top teeth had broken through the gum. That’s right, my little pea has 6 teeth and all of a sudden, her gummy grin isn’t so gummy anymore. We also learned Amoxicillin makes Lily bonkers. Jake kept asking me, “Is this okay? Is she normal?” If I had a penny for every time either one of us have said or thought that, Lily’s college education would already be paid 10 times over. Lily has always drifted off peacefully to sleep for 12 hours at around 6pm since she was about 4 months old. But when she is on the Amoxicillin, it’s a whole different (hyperactive) story. I was standing, swaying and singing with her, as we always do before bedtime, and she was violently shaking her head back and forth, chomping her jaws, making crazy noises, using her feet to crawl up my chest and onto my face and those eyes, those wild eyes! Bonkers I tell you. To say the least, I’ll certainly never forget her first cold and how sad it made me feel for her. I’ll also never forget how sweet Jake was; walking in her room in the middle of the night to check on her, gently rubbing vapor rub on her chest, ensuring her humidifier was super clean and misting absolutely perfectly. He’s a good dad.

Outside of the week of sickness, I have been seeing a whole lot more smiles. She is definitely developing her own sense of humor. She likes to make faces now at me. She makes an O with her mouth and raises her eyebrows and then laughs real hard. She repeats this until one of us laughs so hard we can’t take it any longer. I can already tell, I am definitely experiencing a lot of those moments that I’ll just always carry close to me.

For the first time in her life, Lily was told “no” last week. What was her reaction? She laughed really hard. Oh boy, I told Jake, we are going to have our hands full! Now that she’s gone mobile, she is able to fix her eyes on something fabulous, commando crawl to it and of course, put it in her mouth. Yesterday at the park, she became obsessed with all the yellow dandelions in the field. She picked one and put it to her mouth. “No Lily,” I said, and she looked at me with a surprised look for a moment and then pure belly laughs followed. This continued for the next 5 minutes. She would look directly at me, and then hold the flower up to her lips, “No Lily” and insatiable laughter ensued. She finally became bored of my authority and started playing with her toes.

Lily, like most babies, became very interested in her feet and toes at around 3 months. However, recently after I got a pedicure, she became obsessed with my dark pink toenails. “Ahhh! Ahhh!” and the “Ahhs” grow louder until I give them a little wiggle and then she just loses it, laughing so hard. So about that pedicure… I realized the other day when I strangely decided to look into the mirror, that I should make more of a habit of doing that. I realize this is an awful thing to say but I remember before I was married and with a ‘toddler’, I told myself I would never ‘let myself go’ like I had seen so many moms do after they have a baby. “Gosh they look miserable,” I admit I would think to myself. But here I am, not a stitch of makeup on, hair in a bun, and wearing those sweatpants and fuzzy socks you only wear when you’re like on your period or have strep throat or something. I’m also sure I’m sporting mashed avocado (Lily’s lunch) somewhere on me but I am happier than I can ever remember. It’s not that anyone has let themselves go, it’s that mothers just let themselves focus on what is important. This whole baby thing and growing up thing is really cool. I’m learning a lot. (though I still don’t think it would hurt to glance in the mirror before Jake gets home from work and maybe one other time during the day. Yes, two times surely is manageable within a 24 hour period)

In addition to pink toenails, Lily also thinks chicken is extremely hilarious for some reason. It was her first taste of meat, boiled chicken, hardly exciting but she would beg to differ. She loved it and adamantly “uuuughhhh’d!” for more.  

Lily made her first trip out of the country to Vancouver, BC so she could meet Giechan (mom’s dad) and the rest of mom’s family. We made the voyage and also sought a Japanese name to be bestowed upon her from the old and wise Geichan.  My Geichan is 94 years old. He and my Bachan, who is now passed, never spoke much English but we communicated just fine through smiles and gestures (often times I’m sure ‘talking’ about completely different things but still maintaining a ‘conversation’) When we arrived at his home, he lit up when he saw Lily and immediately wanted to hold her. I heard him muttering little Japanese words to her and I wondered what he was saying. She took right to him and it made me feel good inside.

When I mentioned that I wanted Geichan to give Lily a Japanese name, everyone got very excited and started shouting out names. My mom’s family is pretty funny and every time we get together, someone always has to remind us to quiet down. Later that evening, Jake and I were home on the couch, mulling over the Japanese names shouted out for Lily and we decided on a melding of names: Kimieko Ame. Kimie (after my bachan and my middle name- it means empress), Ko (after my mom, YuriKo) and Ame because it means rain and Lily was born in the rainy PNW. So her name means Empress of the Rain.

It was really neat to see Lily with mom’s side of the family. I looked at my Geichan at one point and thought to myself that it must feel pretty freaking cool to sit back in his big chair and look upon all his children, grandchildren and now great grandchild. All 15 people were gathered in that room together, sharing laughter and hugs because of him. Lord willing, Jake and I will sit in that same ‘seat’ one day. Life is incredible.

Lily loves her baby. It’s pretty cute, at about six months, Lily fell in love with a little, pretty, pink doll from Jake’s Grama named Baby. She just lights up when she sees Baby. In some way I almost think that she likes to love on her baby like her mum likes to love on her. Lily has many stuffed animals and with the most recent naming of Jason, the singing giraffe, I believe all of them have finally been named. With the help of cousins, Olivia and Elliott, there is Zoomer and Zaffer, the squirrels, Dragon, the giraffe, Gruff, the dog, Janey the Zebra, Teddy, the teddy bear, Butterfly, the butterfly, Dr. Dancer, the moose, Ziff, the whoozit, Lamby, the lamb, Captain One Eye, the octopus, Leo, the lion and wick, willy and diddle the random objects.

Jake’s mom recently sent me a video recap of the late bluesy singer/guitarist, Phoebe Snow’s life. The video captured her performing on stage and at the close of her performance, she had said, “I hope that in your lifetime you experience exquisite and divine love like I had for my daughter.” I think this same thing often and in some (probably) very strange way, it makes me sad to think that not everyone in the world will have a chance to meet Lily. Of course every parent thinks this about their child but she just brings such immense joy to me and I wish I could share that feeling around the world. It’s just incredible and it’s no wonder I constantly have the song “This Little Light of Mine” in my head. There’s this one thing that we do and it’s one of those things that makes me wish she would stay 18 pounds forever. I pick her up in my arms, her body in front of mine and we spin in circles. Maybe it’s because it was my favorite toy when I was a child but it makes me think of a kaleidoscope. All I see is her beautiful giggling face, her big dark eyes shifting back and forth as we spin, twirling objects around us and swirls of colors.  It’s one of those activities that I know I will look back on and remember with such fondness.

Speaking of things in my childhood and looking back and then growing up… I turned 30 this month. From a (complete and utter) surprise birthday party, to a new piano, to an incredible book of pictures and words from my friends and family, to Mel visiting all the way from New Zealand, Jake made turning 30 an absolute blast!

Of course I was asked several times, “So, how do you feel, turning the big three oh??” The second time I was asked this, I stopped and thought about it and realized, I’m quite thrilled! I can’t think of any other way I’d love to celebrate my 30^th birthday than with sweet Lily in my arms and Jake by my side. God has blessed my 30 years in so many ways. I am so thankful for my loving, supportive family/community in which I grew up in, the amazing and endless memories in my 20’s with the best girl friends one could ask for and although life has moved me clear across the country, I am thankful that distance has not kept me from sharing and rejoicing with both family and friends in all that I have now in Lily and Jake.

And as I sit here and reflect upon my own life on my little girl’s 9 month birthday, I sit with tears streaming down my cheeks, in the comfort of my loving husband, in the warmth of our home and with the assurance of great family and friends in my life, I feel incredibly FULL.

Once again, here’s to another month celebrated with you, sweet Lily. You have made my 30 years complete. May your light always shine, little one. I love you!